14.4.05

ToRn BeTwEEn tWo LoVe(rS)

OK..Here I go again posting about my rants..This is MY blog after all, so I can do anything I want, right? Hehehe!

And I certainly didn’t write to engage in a harsh, accusatory criticism of any gender.

Anyhow, I know of two-timers who get into this kind of situation for cheap thrill and how they end up with nothing. Others get away with it. I also hear of hearts being badly beaten and broken. And I can go on and on to write about this but I wouldn’t want anyone reading this to get a bad impression on love and relationships.

I was a late bloomer when it comes to relationships. While I curiously got involved with someone during the later part of my senior high, it wasn’t until I was twenty-eight that I truly fell in love. And I have had my heart broken as well…But for someone who has been broken hearted three times, I have learned not only to cope with my broken heart, but more importantly getting restored, becoming whole, and learning to love again.

After that short escapade with curiosity, I was blest with the opportunity to meet Mr. Love, who taught me and gave me a much better picture and understanding of love relationships. Written in His Manual in 1Corintians 13, it says:

13:4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 13:6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 13:7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 13:8 Love never ends.

So with that in mind, I loved with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength every single one of those three men, but not at the same time.

While I feared the idea of loving, I learned that real love covers over all fear. When I loved fearlessly, it was simply liberating. And I didn’t have to deal with what ifs, because I know that if the relationship didn’t work out in the end, I already did everything I can and there is nothing else I can do to save it.

Does it mean I stop loving them when the relationship ends? Someone very dear to me told me that love is a choice. I guess when you made the choice to love, choosing to stop loving is a very difficult process. But that’s part of healing. When you hear from this people and it doesn’t hurt you anymore, then you must have gotten over them. When you find out that they are happily seeing someone else and you are genuinely happy for them, then you must have learned to let go. When you no longer wish to skin them alive, or stay away from people of the same race and color, or country as they are, then you have finally recuperated. And then you can love again.

It sounds like a tall order, but it has worked for me. That’s why I can love freely after a heart breaking, earth shattering experience. None of the three relationships that I have been in left me completely torn to pieces. When I let go, I close every door in my heart to that person because my feeling is, if it didn’t work out once, after every possible intervention, what makes me think it can work out again?

That’s why I have never been torn between two people I love. And I don’t think I will ever be. Perhaps that’s the reason why it takes me awhile to move on, because I slowly unlearn every habit I associate with a person, and when I am through, I can honestly sing the song that goes: I am over you somehow, only love knows how, I’ve got the strength to move on!

12.4.05

My Story

i found this in a homepage i created a while back..i thought i'd share it here..i must have written this when i was sixteen going seventeen...hmmm..around my sister's age now..

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I used to be a very insecure person but I would try to hide that reality by putting up a front to the point that most people would think I was such a snob. I tried to do things for others - even things I did not want to do just to please them. In most of my attempts I would gain their acceptance, and I would feel good for a while. But there were also times that I would feel like I could not really measure up to their expectations - thus I would end up hating myself and the rest of the world. When I was in college, on my own and determined to rebel from all known authority in my life, a friend of mine invited me to a Rock and Roll Seminar. I wasn't really into rock music but when the speaker began explaining God's unconditional love and acceptance, it just got my attention.

In all my sixteen years of religiosity, I never really thought that God cared. After all, I had to do things for others, so why would God be any different? I had tried to excel in my studies, tried having a boyfriend, participating in school and community activities, and even strived to be a good daughter and a role model to my younger siblings but they never gave me the security that I needed. That night I met a different God! He thought I'm special - even before I did anything for Him. He died for me already, even before I knew Him. That same night, I prayed and asked Christ to forgive me for all the wrong things I did. Then I asked Him to come into my life, to lead me and give me the security that I had been looking for.

I began to see myself in a new perspective. I learned that God wants to give me a hope and a wonderful future. I have nothing to fear because He is in control. My confidence is no longer in myself or in others but in God alone. I have learned to love and forgive other people and myself. I am not as afraid to fail as I used to and I have found peace even in the midst of chaos. I have discovered that no relationship can ever be enough for me unless I have a personal relationship with God. Most importantly, I know that I am going to Heaven with God for eternity.

How about you? What are you holding on to for security? Is it your family? Your career? Your boyfriend/girlfriend? I tell you, they are bound to fail you at some point! Why don't you go directly to Jesus? He can give you all those things and more! If He can do it to someone like me, He can do it for you..!!!! Think about it!!!!