13.10.14

Let it Be

I never thought anything could be so low as the one I have  seen and heard but I must admit it just went to a whole new level. Coming from someone you used to hold with respect is a bit disconcerting.

But it did. And I shouldn't be surprised. But I am. I really only have myself to blame. I should be able to recognise these characters by now. But I like looking at the good in them that I overlook my better judgement.

Not anymore. Especially with this kind.The bullies who stir trouble and blame others in the end. The ones who throw accusations and make them sound as truth. And are they believable!!! At some point it is best to  give up. And  in some cases it is best to let go. And let things be.

For the sake of peace.

Because  there are more important things in life. And being proven RIGHT is not on top of my list.

Enough said.

6.10.14

this parenting gig: raising this miss 4

I love how she is so confident and aware of how much she is appreciated and valued. I suppose you can say that I mentally decided not to starve her with the longing to verbally tell her she is loved, even though it is a love language that I do not eloquently speak. And so I tell her how much I love her every single day, whether she is being silly or on her best behaviour. And the more I do it, it starts coming out without making an effort. And the best part is, she starts telling me that she loves me,  even when she doesn't want anything. Sometimes at the most randomly appropriate times, she tells me and instead of being upset with her, she gets away with certain consequences.

My parents love me and my siblings equally and I know that without a doubt. But growing up I couldn't remember a time when I was verbally told of their love and affection. When I was old enough to understand, I never blamed them because I knew they did the best they could and were probably doing better than their own experience.  But with it came the decision to deliberately make an effort when the kids come.

And so they came, and now I am scratching my head. What wrong did I do that she can be really stubborn and single minded when she has decided on something.  Why does she take ages to listen and obey really simple instructions? And how did she learn to use her charm on us so she can be spared of the repercussions of her action?

We have tried having a chat and for a time it works. We gave her treats and we even remind her often how it is NOT like her and that she is upsetting people.

Just when I was beginning to think that this phase is exclusive to our darling Miss 4, our ever so gentle Mister 5 gave us exhibit A to the opposite Not sure where the reasonable little boy we have went - the one who came home with us that day was  inconsolable because we wouldn't give him more time to play or eat treat foods When he calmed down, in between sobs he said, sometimes it is hard to stop crying mummy, even if I want to.

And that gives me hope that all our prayers, chats and efforts are not in vain. That they hear us, they want to  obey but at times they get overwhelmed, and that's good enough for us. Amidst all the stubborn streaks and inconvenient dramas, I can see a glimmer of  sunshine that as we remain steadfast and consistent, things will get through to them in the end. 

1.10.14

this parenting gig: when hovering has its benefits

i was once accused of helicopter parenting by a random person because i would much rather stay close to where my kids were playing. which was close to the road, the alternative being that i listen to a whinger about a relationship that's falling apart. i suppose i would much rather be accused of anything, because I would much rather hover over my kids than have someone else dump their rubbish on me.

and those times that i do hover are really amazing especially when i hear about their conversations between them or with their friends. others we are able to nip some things in the bud, before some words become part of their everyday vocabulary.

we have always spoken to them as we would with adults, even before they started talking. these are just a few of the things we/others have had a chat with them that they surprisingly took on board -

1- how special they are and that God loves them very much. they started hearing these ideas from one year old at a class in church via a memory verse that goes - God even knows the number of hairs on my head. I am worth more than a million birds Luke 12.7 Imagine my surprise when our little miss said something to that effect when someone else was telling her something different.

2- not to be afraid. sometimes they get this, other times they don't and they often use it when it is convenient such as when one of them wants company to go upstairs. an appropriate as well as convenient reply is often - that's okay, God is with you, remember?

3-private parts. we  had to do this chat a bit early because of an incident that happened around them. i am very grateful for the mum that mentioned it to me, prompting me to pray and  google what to say!! Thank God for what I uncovered after a little research. Someone mentioned that to pretend that the issue will go away is ignorant. How interesting that our now 4 and 5 year-olds make random comments related to that conversation when they were 3 and 4, including about dancers and swimmers who don't cover their bodies.

4-secrets. a necessary corollary to our private parts conversation is secrets. we had to stop using the word altogether because apparently it is a word often used by perpetrators. we told them we do not keep secrets from each other and that we should always tell. We can surprise each other, not keep secrets.

imagine our amazement when we slip and use the word secret and little people comes to us reminding us that we don't keep secrets. very impressive! it made us conscious at remembering what we tell them because it will come back to us.

5- ugly/fat/stupid and words like that. we had to tell them that there are some words they will hear that we don't use. and because they somehow understand #1, it is easier to engage them in conversation, point them back to God (like we do when they start having tantrums when we don't buy them everything they want in the shop, our #1 standard question being - did you talk to God about it?)

i can keep going but  i feel that in the end we will only be held accountable for what we do with the little lives that we are given the privilege to raise. the Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 says Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

it goes without saying that we do not have everything figured out. everyday is a learning experience. some days we fall into the trap of screaming, getting annoyed and being impatient instead of being gracious and loving. most days though, we needed to be deliberate about telling them how much they are loved, how gorgeous little miss is and what a gentle champion our little mister is. we also have to learn to correct them in love. 

needless to say, i have now kept my distance from that random person. what great observation skills - i will have to give credit to that. i just wish it is used to build and encourage. instead of tear others down - but that's another topic for another day.