Grateful

I was going to write about this for a competition, however the terms and conditions stipulated a limit on the number of the object of the gratitude. I found it a very difficult task because I couldn't pick one. Having said that, this is definitely NOT to print a picture of a rosy, perfect life because ours is certainly far from that. I just really wanted to give honour where honour is due.

In the words of our new senior pastor at church when he preached one sunday on a part of Numbers 13 that we so popularly remember as the account of the twelve spies, the ten spies who came back with emphasis on the negative report, did not understand the order of FAITH. There was no problem with the analysis, it was the order. In my life for instance I can quote the things I know of God and then go on complaining about the things that are not right in my life. OR, I can focus on God, inspite of my circumstances. And when I chose the latter, I found myself abounding with praise for the many miracles that I would probably have ignored if my attitude was different.

If truth be told,  I must admit it was a rather massive 2013 for us. We found ourselves in situations that were unfamiliar, leaving us with no answers. At the same time we felt the consequences of some miscalculated  decisions. But in the midst of the brouhaha, I am blessed with a husband whose loyalty and affection is towards God.  He refused to allow our challenges to bring us down and discourage us. I love that he  leads us to trust God always and to give room for a miracle from above. And did we see a number of miracles happen!

It was probably in the area of finances that we found ourselves badly hit. While it is an ongoing journey for us, already we have seen God move in so many ways. We could have chosen to hold on to every single penny, but we decided to partner with God and turn it into a step of faith. One example worth mentioning was when we participated in a faith promise for the next generation payable in one year. In the natural, it does not make sense to participate, with bills and expenses that needed to be paid. But as we prayed about it, we could not resist "testing" and waiting to see the floodgates open. (Mal 3:10b) Had we not participated, we would not have seen provision (from "out of the blue") for half of the amount we promised in the first quarter, get involve in a ministry partnership opportunity, support and even pay for a course for myself.

Speaking of a course, I did a 5-week study in assistant in nursing because I thought I wanted to get a job that allows shiftwork. My previous job in admin and database coordination is not a very feasible option because most of the availabilities are over an hour away one way from where I live. And I find it hard to leave my adorable three and four-year olds to work while most of whatever I make will just go towards child care fees. It was a very practical, hands on course and thank God I have small children because the over two years I spent with them at home came in very handy. When I did my two week work experience, I found myself overcame with compassion and my thoughts getting invaded by my  lovely, mostly dementiac residents that I had to spend some time praying for them. My performance review came back with the deputy director of nursing at that facility giving me excellent marks. It was a great encouragement for me, especially finding myself settling well (much to my surprise!)  and maybe even taking more classes in the future. A month after I finished the course, I got my driver's license (thank God!) which really helped because a few days later I got a job casually twenty minutes away from home. Less than a month into my employment, I got offered a permanent position and all I could say was - that is not NORMAL! We could never say that God has forgotten or left us alone. He has sorrounded us with friends who are like family - getting offers to toddlersit our kids when I was doing my training, or so I can pick up shifts available.

One time not too long ago (eventhough it seemed like a lifetime away) we found ourselves in a serious bind. We had a bill that needed to be paid on a monday but did not have enough money to settle it. A few days before that, one of my favourite brothers generously agreed to help. I was not sure the money will get into our account on time so I was stirring him to send it another way. We needed the help on a monday, not any other day. However all my subtle attempts did not work so even if something was arriving, I was sure we will not get it until two to three days later. So the stress of a bill that needed to be paid was still hanging over our heads. Sunday came and close friends who lived on the other side of the city (read: over an hour or so drive on the highway) from us were in our area and asked if they can pop in. Naturally we said yes. When they arrived, for some reason we split into two groups, me with the beautiful heavily pregnant friend were sitting in the lounge with the kids while our hubbies retreated to the playroom. In the course of my conversation with her, she said and I quote, maybe not verbatim (lol) - you will let us know if you need anything! In my head I was thinking that I had to be a better friend to her because she is ready to pop and being a first time mum, it can be overwhelming. However, I caught myself crying because I really appreciated her words and it just touched me but for some reason I changed the subject. I looked out for the hubbies who were in serious conversation but I did not think they would get into the details of our need at that moment. I was wrong - they came out with sweaty eyes (my darling husband mostly), and more help getting into our bank account via bank transfer. We were stunned! And we sat there long after they left in disbelief at the timing. We knew there has to be a POWER beyond HUMAN(read: the timing can only be GOD at work!) orchestrating all these things. But knowing the banking system, credits do not land into the accounts immediately -they get credited on the next banking day, even if the online transfer was made though the same bank.And then we were back to the monday situation! All the cash getting to our account, neither getting there in time for monday. An hour or so later, our friends came back with an envelope containing more than enough to sort out our monday debacle. It turned into a monday miracle because for some reason, all the monies got there early, yes, on that monday!

Our situation may have looked impossible, but the experience made our family into one team on the same side with our faith and dependence on God activated and strengthened. We love budgets now, and we endeavour to stick to it. We learned to be generous even in our lack More importantly we have greater capacity to make room for God to move. Which makes this new year really exciting! I love quoting 1Corinthians 2:9 in  the New Living Translation version - No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. Indeed, the best is yet to come!

My First Clothes Swap

When I first received the 'save the date' for a clothes swap, I honestly did not know what to expect. Because it was fundraiser for youth projects at church, I initially thought  maybe I will just pay the registration to support the project since I couldn't think of anything of value that I could swap with.

One time in a meeting I discovered that I was not the only one feeling the way I did. Good thing the organizer who has done the event successfully  before, was there to reassure us and help us understand and answer all our questions.

The fundraising part was collecting $20 from each person which then allows them to pick 10 items that they like. All funds collected go to the youth project. The fun part was a relaxed time with friends, having afternoon tea together and sharing a good laugh. And then there's the swapping. The idea is to bring stuff that's new or mint condition ranging from clothes, books, jewelry, shoes, bags or whatever that's been sitting somewhere, occupying space at home but not really getting used as much. At the venue, someone will then sort the items for everyone to look at and choose from. But even for those like me who didn't think they

little miss sorting the blings for me 

had  anything to bring, it still works out because there are others who are decluttering and bring lots.

So I invited some friends who I thought might be interested, and thankfully three said YES. And boy, were we all in for a surprise! I arrived early because I helped set up and already there were so many items from friends who couldn't make it but wanted to support anyway. When my friends arrived, it was buzzing and

Photo credits to Tess and Linie

with a room full of 25 women, excluding children, you can't expect any less.

We shared a scrumptious afternoon tea, met new people and enjoyed the view. Indeed it was an afternoon  

come and eat with us :-))

can you see the view?

well spent. In the words of one of my gorgeous friends, she went there wanting to support the youth projects for the community and not expecting to get anything but she left feeling good, with a bag of loot to boot. From the looks of it, it will not be our last clothes swap too. On our drive home, we were already talking about the next one, and from what  I have seen that afternoon, I will have heaps of clothes to bring then.

Queensland Break June 2008

Every hard work deserves a day off so I took mine on a long weekend in celebration of the Queen's birthday on the 6th of June. We were on a one and a half hour flight to Brisbane wrapped in layered clothing and jacket only to land in a sunny city. I guess one can call it love at first sight and it seriously brought me to thinking that God must love them locals soo much, they get to keep the sun more often compared to the other states.

Surfers Paradise is true to its name. It was for me an urban version of Boracay. At Movieworld, I relived my childhood by posing with batman and robin as well as tweety.

 I also took, along with the mister, a daring ride at the lethal weapon, which in my opinion is the most deadly ride in that theme park. A holiday is not complete without shopping and Harbourtown just blew my wallet away- well not too much as we got there at 4pm and they closed at 5:30pm. That 6-hour return drive to 

Towoomba was well worth it having met Asraf and his beautiful family. We spent our last day with friends who made it extra special. Their offer to look after the kids when we have them made moving there even more tempting. 

Gran Family Anniversary and Birthday Party

How privileged we were to have witnessed their celebration of 18 years in marriage and their younger son's 15th birthday.

It was a truly fantastic experience and I'm sure it won't be our last. On our own, we would probably pack our bags and move without batting an eyelash. But we both know that we needed to stay on our knees and seek God on the matter. In the meantime, what we do have is a beautiful memory and happy thoughts of that trip.

WhaT DoEs ThAt MaKe Me?

I wonder if I am doing the right thing at all.

There was once this person whom I thought was a friend of mine, only for me to conclude now, that it was sooo far from the truth. It is a pity that we can invest so much time, money and effort on a person only to realize that what you had was not real after all.

And I am not talking about a marriage relationship, but the more I think about it, the more I am lead to believe that the analogy applies as well.

Looking back, all I could see is, it had always been a one way thing. And isn't friendship, like most relationships a give and take thing?

It is weird because after this person said all sorts of nasty things to me via sms, after she said she will stay away and not talk to me, she could say hi to me as if nothing happened. It's not that I am holding any grudge against her, I don't. It is just that in human relationships, you can't just play with people and their emotions and treat them as if they are objects.

I don't think you can just leave without having to explain what caused the disappearance and expect things to be the same where you left them. To be honest, it made me think that maybe she needed something from me - a letter to draft, a plane ticket to charge to my credit card, time to listen to her gripes about life! Who knows what she needed! However, I am through with her being user-friendly (people who use others for their own benefit) and I have more important things to do than listen to her complaints.

For someone who place so much value on friendships, I am a bit surprised with myself. Afterall, I am one person who would do anything in my power as long as it is legal, for a friend. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe we were never really friends in the first place and I was just assuming that we were.

I am not sure if it is the right thing to do at all, afterall, we go to the same church. It will take a miracle for me to want to make friends with her at all. Thank God for the multiple services! Hehehe! It is not that I am avoiding her, I just have nothing to say to her. Most importantly, thank God He heals all wounds. In the meantime, let's just wait and see how the coming days unfold.

So, what does that make me?

Gifts of Friendship

Friendship is one of the most valuable wealth anyone can possess in a lifetime. Some friends come and go but the real ones stay forever.

While I was looking through a good topic to read in my devotional, I came across the issue of real friendship that led me to examine some of my own. It was really timely because I was just thinking about some of my relationships, how it has influenced and affected me as a person.

Someone said that a friend is a jewel that shines best in the darkness of misfortune. This reminded me of someone who dumped a friend because she felt that she was never really there for her when she needed her. Now the relationship is restored because that friend figured in an accident.

Sometimes it takes for accidents to happen for us to realize a person’s value. However what I realize is, sometimes people are not real friends to us, but if we are, no matter what we have said about a friendship, we will remain real and true to it.

I am personally blessed with a number of faithful and devoted friends who do not hesitate to tell me what I need to hear even when I don’t like what they have to say. These are friends that I may not always talk to but when we do get together, it is as if we were always around each other.

These are friendships that are not affected by social status, economy, time, money or distance, nor will it be enhanced by prestige and success.
At least the real ones.

But then again maybe people also outgrow certain friendships, and that doesn't necessarily make it a fake. I mean I can think of many friends that I haven't seen in a long time, only to see them years later with the so called friendship all seemingly dead. It is sad, but then, it is a fact of life.

Sometimes I have expectations on my friendships, and when they are not met, it could get really discouraging, and disappointing. I remember a time for instance when I thought I was really great friends with this person, only to find him making insensitive comments to me. And then there was this girl whom I have invested so much of myself to, only to hear about things she has to say about me. And I can go on and on.

I don't know if it is a universal truth but I just noticed that as I grow older, I have become very sensitive. I remember having an agreement with someone that if we didn't have anything nice to say to each other, then we will just shut up. When I heard those people who are supposedly my friends say not so nice things about me, I tend to shy away from them. It makes me ask if I am being over-sensitive or what?

Or maybe I am just confident of my real friendships that I don't mind losing the dicouraging ones..

Now let me catch some sleep!

Me and My Big Mouth!

Love…the sensations it brings out of every individual. I am sure every person has a story to tell _ unrequited or otherwise.

I myself am no exception. Although it was not your usual girl-meets-boy story, it is a story nonetheless, and not just one but three at that.

So I am stubborn, can you tell? Or maybe not! Maybe I have learned to make a distinction between love and the one I loved.

I guess it is true what they say, that you don’t really plan to fall in love. That is, if you can call mine love stories at all.

It all started with X, a twenty-something something something (lol). For an engineer, he wrote in prose and poetry! And was I impressed! Maybe that made me ignore our age difference, or the religion factor. But then again maybe I was amazed that for the first time in my life someone didn’t find me intimidating at all. He actually thought I was sweet! :p Although he left because his Daddy thought I might not be able to keep up with his passions, I have to give him credit for being an obedient son, and for melting the ice for the very first time!

Y came into my life at a time when I was so wary of relationships. He rebuked me at one time for wanting to skin someone alive. He was a friend when I needed one. And boy, was he “there” for me. His passion for God, his music..they all warmed me up to him. It was a great feeling! And then our friendship took a different turn. Although it was a surprise, we both welcomed the change, at least I know I did..until he became busy with work…and life..and I was left shattered for the very first time.

And then there’s Z. If there’s anything that I will credit him for, it is his patience and his ability to make you feel like the most important person. After what we’ve been through, no one would think we would actually “kiss” and make up. And it was the single most amazing and sweetest thing to actually happen to me. I know I didn’t think it will take a different twist either. It is my second chance with him, and his fourth or fifth, as he calls it.

Like every story, chapter-by-chapter they just ended, often leaving me dazed. And many times, even if I didn’t want the story to end, I just had to close the book, for the sake of my own sanity! Hehehe!

To this day I have no inkling why they just disappeared. As for me, all I know is my #1 love language is quality time and a close #2 being words of affection. When those guys become too busy, my love tank goes empty, leaving me gasping for air.

Sometimes I still wonder how relationships can start out with so much fun and promise, you wouldn’t imagine it would end..At least I didn’t. But don’t take my words seriously, I am usually left clueless. Naiveté? Or just plain ignorance? Hahaha!!

Eitherway, I will love again. By then, it will be someone who will finally see what a great catch I am, and hopefully, he will stay..for life! . ;-)

DISCLAMER: I didn't really meet any of these guys in real life. They are all probably just a figment of my tired, overworked, underpaid, hopelessly romantic imagination! lol! peace guys!

My Lonely Valentine

Or was it?

I really thought I would crash. What with a loaded schedule weeks before that…a project that’s closing, which means pilot test left and right, training and a launching to organize. Good thing I work with very helpful people that really provided support all the way.

Aside from that, there’s a Young Professionals’ Valentine Activity, and a Holy Week Outing in barely six weeks. Initially I was assigned to host the party along with two others. I had to decline because I felt that I wouldn’t be as effective as I would have wanted to because of the stress and pressure at work.

As I kept telling friends, if Valentines Day wasn’t commercialized, I would have forgotten the occasion. And then of course I always thought that love should not just be highlighted every February 14th. It should be a daily lifestyle, that way when THE DATE comes, it should be something that comes naturally.

So, how did I spend my Valentine, you ask? Like I said I was seriously working. Then I went to that Valentine Activity with the Young Professionals from church. It was a very lively party, I must add. I requested this song by Daniel Beddingfield but I missed. I only got there at the third song, but it was fine. I had a sumptuous meal afterwards, and the friend we invited came and thoroughly enjoyed being there. The speaker discussed the principles of dating, which really boils down to encouraging the people to go out and date. But date responsibly. Date with a purpose. And date with God in the picture.

And armed with that knowledge, off we went to Crossroads for more music and singing at K1, or so we thought. When we got there it was so full. We had friends who were there ahead but we couldn’t cramp in their room because we wanted to sing as well. So my friends with me just decided to go someplace for coffee. So we chilled at Café Teatro, until about midnight when the bar owner approached us for drinks, on the house.

Well, we had so much fun there. We danced a lot…at least I did. And the music was so cool. My friends kept saying it was going to be our last song and then we leave. We finally mustered the courage to leave at 2:00 a.m. Whatta night..!

Lonely Valentine?!? Naaahhh…Hahaha! Not a chance!

Of innocence, negativity and perversion

I am self-confessed chatter, reformed chat addict, hopeless romantic and once in a while a total neurotic rolled into one.. I know someone will call that cognitive dissonance or something like that..

I have met a lot of wonderful people throughout my cybercitizenship, some of whom I became fast friends with to this day. Of course I made a record of falling stupidly attached to someone I hadn’t met in person. It was a record because I had always been very protective of myself, until I let down my guard that caused an irreparable damage of breaking my heart. It has long been history and hatchets have long been buried. But that experience made me sought refuge to becoming a rule #1 staunch advocate.

Whether or not I remained faithful in that advocacy is another story. (*blush*)

During the course of that advocacy, I got to interact with young men, who made me want to set aside those beliefs. It was a rather difficult quest though. Afterall, when you have had you heart broken for the first time, it wouldn’t be a pleasant ride ahead.

But I have always had a positive attitude about humanity, thus it didn’t deter me from making friends anyway.

One of those guys was cutie, sexy and poetic. We didn’t have much smart conversations but he had this emotional side that warmed him up to me. He wouldn’t talk much except when talking about one topic that I wouldn’t dare articulate..I think he got tired of talking to me eventually, because I think at that time I was still a little bitter over that heartbreaking experience.

After over a year of disappearance, he came alive sounding very happy over an engagement to a lovely lass. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from him. I had nothing but genuine happiness for him.

To make the long story even longer, he and I became good friends. I guess like any good friend that I am to anyone, I harassed him with useless diatribes, which eventually appeared like an attack to him. I was branded primarily as someone who employs negativity most of the times..

I guess to a certain degree he may be right. He was something that my boyfriend wasn’t. He was always sweet..he always found time to talk to me. I think that was the bottom line of his faults. Poor kid..

Until he told me how they broke up and stuff…And then there was our last conversation. I have always looked up to him as a friend. And what happened between us in the past has long been buried. I was sooo close to reconsidering his appeals…lol (don’t ask!)

Anywayz, imagine a person whom you thought you can trust...someone whom you consider a friend..would suddenly stand up and show off his member.(!@#$%^&*()_+) When confronted about it, he would say he was just being open.. I don’t know if I am nuts or if he is…or it could be a socio-cultural barrier. Maybe in his country it is OK to show it off, but where I come from, those who do such a thing are called exhibitionists..they are considered sick, and must go see a doctor.

What I can’t believe though is that he thought I was as usual being negative…that I was being critical, and that I was the one who needed to see a shrink.

Oh well… It is never a loss to find out what people are really like before you get to meet them. I am lucky (for lack of a better term) to find out sooner.

my two cents

Whatta Sunday afternoon.!! Pretty interesting!!

Having lived a semi-boring existence for a while, a diversion from the usual routine is always a welcome change.

After a powerful meeting that Sunday afternoon, I went back on an eating binge with my girlfriends. Some guys tagged along but they had to move to a different place because they didn’t find the ambiance too inviting for their famished appetites.

My friend Joyce and I were supposed to go home but how we ended up in Bo’s Coffee with Cornell and Philip remains a mystery. (lol!)

The most interesting part of that Sunday afternoon conversation was the confession about the men’s perception of the women in church. (there were other things, but it is censored) It seems that they are under the impression that the women thinks the men are not good enough for them.

….which I found very disturbing, really!

Because the impression is sooo wrong! The men in church are fine. They are very passionate about their relationship with God and just as passionate about discipleship, among others.

It is a pity that they view the women that way. No wonder they hardly speak to us apart from topics such as church, ministry and cellgroup..Hehe!

Are the women really that scary? Or do they just need to be stronger?

Just my two cents.