I wonder if I am doing the right thing at all.
There was once this person whom I thought was a friend of mine, only for me to conclude now, that it was sooo far from the truth. It is a pity that we can invest so much time, money and effort on a person only to realize that what you had was not real after all.
And I am not talking about a marriage relationship, but the more I think about it, the more I am lead to believe that the analogy applies as well.
Looking back, all I could see is, it had always been a one way thing. And isn't friendship, like most relationships a give and take thing?
It is weird because after this person said all sorts of nasty things to me via sms, after she said she will stay away and not talk to me, she could say hi to me as if nothing happened. It's not that I am holding any grudge against her, I don't. It is just that in human relationships, you can't just play with people and their emotions and treat them as if they are objects.
I don't think you can just leave without having to explain what caused the disappearance and expect things to be the same where you left them. To be honest, it made me think that maybe she needed something from me - a letter to draft, a plane ticket to charge to my credit card, time to listen to her gripes about life! Who knows what she needed! However, I am through with her being user-friendly (people who use others for their own benefit) and I have more important things to do than listen to her complaints.
For someone who place so much value on friendships, I am a bit surprised with myself. Afterall, I am one person who would do anything in my power as long as it is legal, for a friend. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe we were never really friends in the first place and I was just assuming that we were.
I am not sure if it is the right thing to do at all, afterall, we go to the same church. It will take a miracle for me to want to make friends with her at all. Thank God for the multiple services! Hehehe! It is not that I am avoiding her, I just have nothing to say to her. Most importantly, thank God He heals all wounds. In the meantime, let's just wait and see how the coming days unfold.
So, what does that make me?
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
11.10.05
24.7.05
Gifts of Friendship
Friendship is one of the most valuable wealth anyone can possess in a lifetime. Some friends come and go but the real ones stay forever.
While I was looking through a good topic to read in my devotional, I came across the issue of real friendship that led me to examine some of my own. It was really timely because I was just thinking about some of my relationships, how it has influenced and affected me as a person.
Someone said that a friend is a jewel that shines best in the darkness of misfortune. This reminded me of someone who dumped a friend because she felt that she was never really there for her when she needed her. Now the relationship is restored because that friend figured in an accident.
Sometimes it takes for accidents to happen for us to realize a person’s value. However what I realize is, sometimes people are not real friends to us, but if we are, no matter what we have said about a friendship, we will remain real and true to it.
I am personally blessed with a number of faithful and devoted friends who do not hesitate to tell me what I need to hear even when I don’t like what they have to say. These are friends that I may not always talk to but when we do get together, it is as if we were always around each other.
These are friendships that are not affected by social status, economy, time, money or distance, nor will it be enhanced by prestige and success.
At least the real ones.
But then again maybe people also outgrow certain friendships, and that doesn't necessarily make it a fake. I mean I can think of many friends that I haven't seen in a long time, only to see them years later with the so called friendship all seemingly dead. It is sad, but then, it is a fact of life.
Sometimes I have expectations on my friendships, and when they are not met, it could get really discouraging, and disappointing. I remember a time for instance when I thought I was really great friends with this person, only to find him making insensitive comments to me. And then there was this girl whom I have invested so much of myself to, only to hear about things she has to say about me. And I can go on and on.
I don't know if it is a universal truth but I just noticed that as I grow older, I have become very sensitive. I remember having an agreement with someone that if we didn't have anything nice to say to each other, then we will just shut up. When I heard those people who are supposedly my friends say not so nice things about me, I tend to shy away from them. It makes me ask if I am being over-sensitive or what?
Or maybe I am just confident of my real friendships that I don't mind losing the dicouraging ones..
Now let me catch some sleep!
While I was looking through a good topic to read in my devotional, I came across the issue of real friendship that led me to examine some of my own. It was really timely because I was just thinking about some of my relationships, how it has influenced and affected me as a person.
Someone said that a friend is a jewel that shines best in the darkness of misfortune. This reminded me of someone who dumped a friend because she felt that she was never really there for her when she needed her. Now the relationship is restored because that friend figured in an accident.
Sometimes it takes for accidents to happen for us to realize a person’s value. However what I realize is, sometimes people are not real friends to us, but if we are, no matter what we have said about a friendship, we will remain real and true to it.
I am personally blessed with a number of faithful and devoted friends who do not hesitate to tell me what I need to hear even when I don’t like what they have to say. These are friends that I may not always talk to but when we do get together, it is as if we were always around each other.
These are friendships that are not affected by social status, economy, time, money or distance, nor will it be enhanced by prestige and success.
At least the real ones.
But then again maybe people also outgrow certain friendships, and that doesn't necessarily make it a fake. I mean I can think of many friends that I haven't seen in a long time, only to see them years later with the so called friendship all seemingly dead. It is sad, but then, it is a fact of life.
Sometimes I have expectations on my friendships, and when they are not met, it could get really discouraging, and disappointing. I remember a time for instance when I thought I was really great friends with this person, only to find him making insensitive comments to me. And then there was this girl whom I have invested so much of myself to, only to hear about things she has to say about me. And I can go on and on.
I don't know if it is a universal truth but I just noticed that as I grow older, I have become very sensitive. I remember having an agreement with someone that if we didn't have anything nice to say to each other, then we will just shut up. When I heard those people who are supposedly my friends say not so nice things about me, I tend to shy away from them. It makes me ask if I am being over-sensitive or what?
Or maybe I am just confident of my real friendships that I don't mind losing the dicouraging ones..
Now let me catch some sleep!
15.6.05
Me and My Big Mouth!
Love…the sensations it brings out of every individual. I am sure every person has a story to tell _ unrequited or otherwise.
I myself am no exception. Although it was not your usual girl-meets-boy story, it is a story nonetheless, and not just one but three at that.
So I am stubborn, can you tell? Or maybe not! Maybe I have learned to make a distinction between love and the one I loved.
I guess it is true what they say, that you don’t really plan to fall in love. That is, if you can call mine love stories at all.
It all started with X, a twenty-something something something (lol). For an engineer, he wrote in prose and poetry! And was I impressed! Maybe that made me ignore our age difference, or the religion factor. But then again maybe I was amazed that for the first time in my life someone didn’t find me intimidating at all. He actually thought I was sweet! :p Although he left because his Daddy thought I might not be able to keep up with his passions, I have to give him credit for being an obedient son, and for melting the ice for the very first time!
Y came into my life at a time when I was so wary of relationships. He rebuked me at one time for wanting to skin someone alive. He was a friend when I needed one. And boy, was he “there” for me. His passion for God, his music..they all warmed me up to him. It was a great feeling! And then our friendship took a different turn. Although it was a surprise, we both welcomed the change, at least I know I did..until he became busy with work…and life..and I was left shattered for the very first time.
And then there’s Z. If there’s anything that I will credit him for, it is his patience and his ability to make you feel like the most important person. After what we’ve been through, no one would think we would actually “kiss” and make up. And it was the single most amazing and sweetest thing to actually happen to me. I know I didn’t think it will take a different twist either. It is my second chance with him, and his fourth or fifth, as he calls it.
Like every story, chapter-by-chapter they just ended, often leaving me dazed. And many times, even if I didn’t want the story to end, I just had to close the book, for the sake of my own sanity! Hehehe!
To this day I have no inkling why they just disappeared. As for me, all I know is my #1 love language is quality time and a close #2 being words of affection. When those guys become too busy, my love tank goes empty, leaving me gasping for air.
Sometimes I still wonder how relationships can start out with so much fun and promise, you wouldn’t imagine it would end..At least I didn’t. But don’t take my words seriously, I am usually left clueless. Naiveté? Or just plain ignorance? Hahaha!!
Eitherway, I will love again. By then, it will be someone who will finally see what a great catch I am, and hopefully, he will stay..for life! . ;-)
DISCLAMER: I didn't really meet any of these guys in real life. They are all probably just a figment of my tired, overworked, underpaid, hopelessly romantic imagination! lol! peace guys!
I myself am no exception. Although it was not your usual girl-meets-boy story, it is a story nonetheless, and not just one but three at that.
So I am stubborn, can you tell? Or maybe not! Maybe I have learned to make a distinction between love and the one I loved.
I guess it is true what they say, that you don’t really plan to fall in love. That is, if you can call mine love stories at all.
It all started with X, a twenty-something something something (lol). For an engineer, he wrote in prose and poetry! And was I impressed! Maybe that made me ignore our age difference, or the religion factor. But then again maybe I was amazed that for the first time in my life someone didn’t find me intimidating at all. He actually thought I was sweet! :p Although he left because his Daddy thought I might not be able to keep up with his passions, I have to give him credit for being an obedient son, and for melting the ice for the very first time!
Y came into my life at a time when I was so wary of relationships. He rebuked me at one time for wanting to skin someone alive. He was a friend when I needed one. And boy, was he “there” for me. His passion for God, his music..they all warmed me up to him. It was a great feeling! And then our friendship took a different turn. Although it was a surprise, we both welcomed the change, at least I know I did..until he became busy with work…and life..and I was left shattered for the very first time.
And then there’s Z. If there’s anything that I will credit him for, it is his patience and his ability to make you feel like the most important person. After what we’ve been through, no one would think we would actually “kiss” and make up. And it was the single most amazing and sweetest thing to actually happen to me. I know I didn’t think it will take a different twist either. It is my second chance with him, and his fourth or fifth, as he calls it.
Like every story, chapter-by-chapter they just ended, often leaving me dazed. And many times, even if I didn’t want the story to end, I just had to close the book, for the sake of my own sanity! Hehehe!
To this day I have no inkling why they just disappeared. As for me, all I know is my #1 love language is quality time and a close #2 being words of affection. When those guys become too busy, my love tank goes empty, leaving me gasping for air.
Sometimes I still wonder how relationships can start out with so much fun and promise, you wouldn’t imagine it would end..At least I didn’t. But don’t take my words seriously, I am usually left clueless. Naiveté? Or just plain ignorance? Hahaha!!
Eitherway, I will love again. By then, it will be someone who will finally see what a great catch I am, and hopefully, he will stay..for life! . ;-)
DISCLAMER: I didn't really meet any of these guys in real life. They are all probably just a figment of my tired, overworked, underpaid, hopelessly romantic imagination! lol! peace guys!
14.6.05
Happy Parents’ Day
The one-day celebration dedicated to mothers and fathers every May and June respectively makes me wonder if it even begins to show the honor and respect parents deserve at all.
Even with the one-day each reserved for them, sometimes we still miss or is it blatantly ignore (?) such an important event. But is one day really sufficient? Or shouldn’t it be an everyday thing?
During last Sunday’s celebration service in church, my Pastor preached a very timely message on the 5th Commandment in Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Let me briefly share the key points that has encouraged me from the preaching.
I can still hear my mother’s lectures on the importance of honoring parents based on the scripture. I know there are times that we don’t always feel like it, so why should we honor our parents then?
Three reasons why: 1) God requires it..yup, whether they deserve it or not..no matter what they are like; 2) God will reward it..Not only will we live long, we will also be rewarded with a good life (Eph 6:1) Afterall, what’s a good life for if it is spent in suffering? and 3) Children will repeat it. This one scared me. If the way I treat my parents now is the gauge of how my children will respond to me in the future, then I might as well do things correctly right now.
Like I said it, honoring parents is not always a piece of cake. The question is, is there a way parents to make it easy for kids to honor them?
Absolutely! 1) Love God passionately; and this doesn’t mean simply loving by words. More importantly, it is wholeheartedly serving God by example. When children see their parents’ genuine love for God in the way they live, there is no need for them to make any threats just so they will join then in church. 2) Love your espouse properly..Be practical.make it a habit to make the other happy. This comes very easy when #1 is a given. 3) Love your children equally. When parents play favorites, it is like a bomb waiting to explode.
How do we honor our parents then? 1) The life we live. Are we causing them problems? Or are we wise in handling our affairs? (Pr 23:24-25; Pr 10:1; Pr 15:20) 2) The love we give. (Pr 13:1) Do we take heed of their instructions? (Pr 12:1) Generally, parents will never do anything that will hurt us on purpose (Col 2:20, Eph 6:1) At times, the way they treat us is the best they know how. Who can blame them? Afterall, ther e is no school for parenting! 3)The listening ear we extend. As they give guidance (Deu 21:18) as they give discipline (Pr 6:20-23;Heb 12:7-11) and as they grow old (Pr 23:22)
Why did I decide to share this here? I seriously think we can pick a thing or two and apply them in our lives.
Isn’t it true how easy it is for us to take our parents for granted as we grow older? I thought this would be a fitting reminder for every sons and daughters to treat their parents well.
And while Father’s Day is on its way, I want to take this opportunity to thank my parents, Florencio Medrano Lumactod and Teresita Pagaran Clarit, for raising me and my siblings up the best way they can. They have always provided us with all our needs, sometimes beyond their ability. Not only did they teach us what honor means, they lived it as well.
But what will always stay as their greatest, single most important legacy in my life is having taught me about God and the fear of Him. For as long as I could remember, I knew there is a perfect God and I realized my inadequacies. Because of that knowledge, it was so easy for me to see my need of a personal relationship with Jesus and embrace Him as the Leader and Savior of my Life.
I am sure my siblings will agree with me when I say that given a wild opportunity to choose any parents that I would fancy, I would pick my Papa and Mama all over again.
Even with the one-day each reserved for them, sometimes we still miss or is it blatantly ignore (?) such an important event. But is one day really sufficient? Or shouldn’t it be an everyday thing?
During last Sunday’s celebration service in church, my Pastor preached a very timely message on the 5th Commandment in Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Let me briefly share the key points that has encouraged me from the preaching.
I can still hear my mother’s lectures on the importance of honoring parents based on the scripture. I know there are times that we don’t always feel like it, so why should we honor our parents then?
Three reasons why: 1) God requires it..yup, whether they deserve it or not..no matter what they are like; 2) God will reward it..Not only will we live long, we will also be rewarded with a good life (Eph 6:1) Afterall, what’s a good life for if it is spent in suffering? and 3) Children will repeat it. This one scared me. If the way I treat my parents now is the gauge of how my children will respond to me in the future, then I might as well do things correctly right now.
Like I said it, honoring parents is not always a piece of cake. The question is, is there a way parents to make it easy for kids to honor them?
Absolutely! 1) Love God passionately; and this doesn’t mean simply loving by words. More importantly, it is wholeheartedly serving God by example. When children see their parents’ genuine love for God in the way they live, there is no need for them to make any threats just so they will join then in church. 2) Love your espouse properly..Be practical.make it a habit to make the other happy. This comes very easy when #1 is a given. 3) Love your children equally. When parents play favorites, it is like a bomb waiting to explode.
How do we honor our parents then? 1) The life we live. Are we causing them problems? Or are we wise in handling our affairs? (Pr 23:24-25; Pr 10:1; Pr 15:20) 2) The love we give. (Pr 13:1) Do we take heed of their instructions? (Pr 12:1) Generally, parents will never do anything that will hurt us on purpose (Col 2:20, Eph 6:1) At times, the way they treat us is the best they know how. Who can blame them? Afterall, ther e is no school for parenting! 3)The listening ear we extend. As they give guidance (Deu 21:18) as they give discipline (Pr 6:20-23;Heb 12:7-11) and as they grow old (Pr 23:22)
Why did I decide to share this here? I seriously think we can pick a thing or two and apply them in our lives.
Isn’t it true how easy it is for us to take our parents for granted as we grow older? I thought this would be a fitting reminder for every sons and daughters to treat their parents well.
And while Father’s Day is on its way, I want to take this opportunity to thank my parents, Florencio Medrano Lumactod and Teresita Pagaran Clarit, for raising me and my siblings up the best way they can. They have always provided us with all our needs, sometimes beyond their ability. Not only did they teach us what honor means, they lived it as well.
But what will always stay as their greatest, single most important legacy in my life is having taught me about God and the fear of Him. For as long as I could remember, I knew there is a perfect God and I realized my inadequacies. Because of that knowledge, it was so easy for me to see my need of a personal relationship with Jesus and embrace Him as the Leader and Savior of my Life.
I am sure my siblings will agree with me when I say that given a wild opportunity to choose any parents that I would fancy, I would pick my Papa and Mama all over again.
14.4.05
ToRn BeTwEEn tWo LoVe(rS)
OK..Here I go again posting about my rants..This is MY blog after all, so I can do anything I want, right? Hehehe!
And I certainly didn’t write to engage in a harsh, accusatory criticism of any gender.
Anyhow, I know of two-timers who get into this kind of situation for cheap thrill and how they end up with nothing. Others get away with it. I also hear of hearts being badly beaten and broken. And I can go on and on to write about this but I wouldn’t want anyone reading this to get a bad impression on love and relationships.
I was a late bloomer when it comes to relationships. While I curiously got involved with someone during the later part of my senior high, it wasn’t until I was twenty-eight that I truly fell in love. And I have had my heart broken as well…But for someone who has been broken hearted three times, I have learned not only to cope with my broken heart, but more importantly getting restored, becoming whole, and learning to love again.
After that short escapade with curiosity, I was blest with the opportunity to meet Mr. Love, who taught me and gave me a much better picture and understanding of love relationships. Written in His Manual in 1Corintians 13, it says:
13:4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 13:6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 13:7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 13:8 Love never ends.
So with that in mind, I loved with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength every single one of those three men, but not at the same time.
While I feared the idea of loving, I learned that real love covers over all fear. When I loved fearlessly, it was simply liberating. And I didn’t have to deal with what ifs, because I know that if the relationship didn’t work out in the end, I already did everything I can and there is nothing else I can do to save it.
Does it mean I stop loving them when the relationship ends? Someone very dear to me told me that love is a choice. I guess when you made the choice to love, choosing to stop loving is a very difficult process. But that’s part of healing. When you hear from this people and it doesn’t hurt you anymore, then you must have gotten over them. When you find out that they are happily seeing someone else and you are genuinely happy for them, then you must have learned to let go. When you no longer wish to skin them alive, or stay away from people of the same race and color, or country as they are, then you have finally recuperated. And then you can love again.
It sounds like a tall order, but it has worked for me. That’s why I can love freely after a heart breaking, earth shattering experience. None of the three relationships that I have been in left me completely torn to pieces. When I let go, I close every door in my heart to that person because my feeling is, if it didn’t work out once, after every possible intervention, what makes me think it can work out again?
That’s why I have never been torn between two people I love. And I don’t think I will ever be. Perhaps that’s the reason why it takes me awhile to move on, because I slowly unlearn every habit I associate with a person, and when I am through, I can honestly sing the song that goes: I am over you somehow, only love knows how, I’ve got the strength to move on!
And I certainly didn’t write to engage in a harsh, accusatory criticism of any gender.
Anyhow, I know of two-timers who get into this kind of situation for cheap thrill and how they end up with nothing. Others get away with it. I also hear of hearts being badly beaten and broken. And I can go on and on to write about this but I wouldn’t want anyone reading this to get a bad impression on love and relationships.
I was a late bloomer when it comes to relationships. While I curiously got involved with someone during the later part of my senior high, it wasn’t until I was twenty-eight that I truly fell in love. And I have had my heart broken as well…But for someone who has been broken hearted three times, I have learned not only to cope with my broken heart, but more importantly getting restored, becoming whole, and learning to love again.
After that short escapade with curiosity, I was blest with the opportunity to meet Mr. Love, who taught me and gave me a much better picture and understanding of love relationships. Written in His Manual in 1Corintians 13, it says:
13:4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 13:6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 13:7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 13:8 Love never ends.
So with that in mind, I loved with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength every single one of those three men, but not at the same time.
While I feared the idea of loving, I learned that real love covers over all fear. When I loved fearlessly, it was simply liberating. And I didn’t have to deal with what ifs, because I know that if the relationship didn’t work out in the end, I already did everything I can and there is nothing else I can do to save it.
Does it mean I stop loving them when the relationship ends? Someone very dear to me told me that love is a choice. I guess when you made the choice to love, choosing to stop loving is a very difficult process. But that’s part of healing. When you hear from this people and it doesn’t hurt you anymore, then you must have gotten over them. When you find out that they are happily seeing someone else and you are genuinely happy for them, then you must have learned to let go. When you no longer wish to skin them alive, or stay away from people of the same race and color, or country as they are, then you have finally recuperated. And then you can love again.
It sounds like a tall order, but it has worked for me. That’s why I can love freely after a heart breaking, earth shattering experience. None of the three relationships that I have been in left me completely torn to pieces. When I let go, I close every door in my heart to that person because my feeling is, if it didn’t work out once, after every possible intervention, what makes me think it can work out again?
That’s why I have never been torn between two people I love. And I don’t think I will ever be. Perhaps that’s the reason why it takes me awhile to move on, because I slowly unlearn every habit I associate with a person, and when I am through, I can honestly sing the song that goes: I am over you somehow, only love knows how, I’ve got the strength to move on!
8.3.05
In Retrospect
Sometime not too long ago I was placed in a position wherein I had to assess how much value I place on myself. It was a little difficult since I have always been very highly opinionated– first, because I thought I was so good I could do anything, and then later on, because I couldn’t do anything right, I needed a power beyond myself. True enough, my relationship with Jesus solved the latter. It wasn’t because I was extraordinary that he accepted me, that I could freely talk to him or about him or that I can do something right. It is precisely because I saw that without Him, I couldn’t possibly amount to anything, much less do something.
Thus began my journey of freedom from insecurities and low self-image propelling my way towards a life of confidence just the way I am, and security because my Father in Heaven has a great plan and a beautiful future for me.
A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to talk to a very young and pretty girl about a situation that involved a relationship. I challenged her to see herself beyond the relationship, to allow herself to grow and mature into a woman of destiny. I talked to her about respect, how she should set the standard, and not allow the man in her life to determine how she should be treated.
It is funny how many young women close their eyes, playing blind to the way their men treat them, even if deep inside, they know that they deserve so much better.
I myself just got out of that situation. Three years ago, I met and became fast friends with a very interesting man. We would talk and laugh about anything and everything. His passion for God mesmerized me. His dedication to his work left me in utter admiration. His love for his family was simply wonderful. And little did I know that I was falling for him. Despite the distance and differences in background.
One apparent difference seems so unthinkable from the start. He is dark skinned and I live among people who equate beauty with fair complexion. But I have always had eccentric taste. So it did not matter to me. Because when he sang, it was as if the fairest of angels straight from the heavens serenaded me.
Who would think those times would end? I know I didn’t. While he was very busy working, I saw myself missing him more. Until I could no longer remember how he sounded. Until I have almost forgotten how he looked. Until I just cry myself to exhaustion.
It made me think of the kind of man I want to marry. Surely he will make time for me, no matter how busy he is. Surely he will make a way just so he can see me. Surely he will not get tired of my presence. And when we are older and the children are gone, we will still hold hands, kiss and hug, we will still sing together, and we wont get tired of talking to each other.
My talk with that girl challenged me to think about my own value and self-respect. It made me think of this man that I have long dreamed of waking up next to each morning for the rest of my life. That talk gave me the courage to let go of whatever hopes I have about our so-called relationship.
In the end, I knew I deserved better. And this time I will see myself through this. God did promise to be my strength in my times of weakness.
After all is said and done, I am still grateful that he became part of my life. I know that whatever happened is always for the best. And even if destiny is taking us to different directions, I am still glad for the memory that once in my life a beautiful person added a rainbow of colors to my semi-boring and dull existence.
Thus began my journey of freedom from insecurities and low self-image propelling my way towards a life of confidence just the way I am, and security because my Father in Heaven has a great plan and a beautiful future for me.
A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to talk to a very young and pretty girl about a situation that involved a relationship. I challenged her to see herself beyond the relationship, to allow herself to grow and mature into a woman of destiny. I talked to her about respect, how she should set the standard, and not allow the man in her life to determine how she should be treated.
It is funny how many young women close their eyes, playing blind to the way their men treat them, even if deep inside, they know that they deserve so much better.
I myself just got out of that situation. Three years ago, I met and became fast friends with a very interesting man. We would talk and laugh about anything and everything. His passion for God mesmerized me. His dedication to his work left me in utter admiration. His love for his family was simply wonderful. And little did I know that I was falling for him. Despite the distance and differences in background.
One apparent difference seems so unthinkable from the start. He is dark skinned and I live among people who equate beauty with fair complexion. But I have always had eccentric taste. So it did not matter to me. Because when he sang, it was as if the fairest of angels straight from the heavens serenaded me.
Who would think those times would end? I know I didn’t. While he was very busy working, I saw myself missing him more. Until I could no longer remember how he sounded. Until I have almost forgotten how he looked. Until I just cry myself to exhaustion.
It made me think of the kind of man I want to marry. Surely he will make time for me, no matter how busy he is. Surely he will make a way just so he can see me. Surely he will not get tired of my presence. And when we are older and the children are gone, we will still hold hands, kiss and hug, we will still sing together, and we wont get tired of talking to each other.
My talk with that girl challenged me to think about my own value and self-respect. It made me think of this man that I have long dreamed of waking up next to each morning for the rest of my life. That talk gave me the courage to let go of whatever hopes I have about our so-called relationship.
In the end, I knew I deserved better. And this time I will see myself through this. God did promise to be my strength in my times of weakness.
After all is said and done, I am still grateful that he became part of my life. I know that whatever happened is always for the best. And even if destiny is taking us to different directions, I am still glad for the memory that once in my life a beautiful person added a rainbow of colors to my semi-boring and dull existence.
15.2.05
My Lonely Valentine
Or was it?
I really thought I would crash. What with a loaded schedule weeks before that…a project that’s closing, which means pilot test left and right, training and a launching to organize. Good thing I work with very helpful people that really provided support all the way.
Aside from that, there’s a Young Professionals’ Valentine Activity, and a Holy Week Outing in barely six weeks. Initially I was assigned to host the party along with two others. I had to decline because I felt that I wouldn’t be as effective as I would have wanted to because of the stress and pressure at work.
As I kept telling friends, if Valentines Day wasn’t commercialized, I would have forgotten the occasion. And then of course I always thought that love should not just be highlighted every February 14th. It should be a daily lifestyle, that way when THE DATE comes, it should be something that comes naturally.
So, how did I spend my Valentine, you ask? Like I said I was seriously working. Then I went to that Valentine Activity with the Young Professionals from church. It was a very lively party, I must add. I requested this song by Daniel Beddingfield but I missed. I only got there at the third song, but it was fine. I had a sumptuous meal afterwards, and the friend we invited came and thoroughly enjoyed being there. The speaker discussed the principles of dating, which really boils down to encouraging the people to go out and date. But date responsibly. Date with a purpose. And date with God in the picture.
And armed with that knowledge, off we went to Crossroads for more music and singing at K1, or so we thought. When we got there it was so full. We had friends who were there ahead but we couldn’t cramp in their room because we wanted to sing as well. So my friends with me just decided to go someplace for coffee. So we chilled at Café Teatro, until about midnight when the bar owner approached us for drinks, on the house.
Well, we had so much fun there. We danced a lot…at least I did. And the music was so cool. My friends kept saying it was going to be our last song and then we leave. We finally mustered the courage to leave at 2:00 a.m. Whatta night..!
Lonely Valentine?!? Naaahhh…Hahaha! Not a chance!
I really thought I would crash. What with a loaded schedule weeks before that…a project that’s closing, which means pilot test left and right, training and a launching to organize. Good thing I work with very helpful people that really provided support all the way.
Aside from that, there’s a Young Professionals’ Valentine Activity, and a Holy Week Outing in barely six weeks. Initially I was assigned to host the party along with two others. I had to decline because I felt that I wouldn’t be as effective as I would have wanted to because of the stress and pressure at work.
As I kept telling friends, if Valentines Day wasn’t commercialized, I would have forgotten the occasion. And then of course I always thought that love should not just be highlighted every February 14th. It should be a daily lifestyle, that way when THE DATE comes, it should be something that comes naturally.
So, how did I spend my Valentine, you ask? Like I said I was seriously working. Then I went to that Valentine Activity with the Young Professionals from church. It was a very lively party, I must add. I requested this song by Daniel Beddingfield but I missed. I only got there at the third song, but it was fine. I had a sumptuous meal afterwards, and the friend we invited came and thoroughly enjoyed being there. The speaker discussed the principles of dating, which really boils down to encouraging the people to go out and date. But date responsibly. Date with a purpose. And date with God in the picture.
And armed with that knowledge, off we went to Crossroads for more music and singing at K1, or so we thought. When we got there it was so full. We had friends who were there ahead but we couldn’t cramp in their room because we wanted to sing as well. So my friends with me just decided to go someplace for coffee. So we chilled at Café Teatro, until about midnight when the bar owner approached us for drinks, on the house.
Well, we had so much fun there. We danced a lot…at least I did. And the music was so cool. My friends kept saying it was going to be our last song and then we leave. We finally mustered the courage to leave at 2:00 a.m. Whatta night..!
Lonely Valentine?!? Naaahhh…Hahaha! Not a chance!
27.1.05
20 Questions to a Better Relationship
Links
i took this test..it gave me this result..lol
http://hokev.brinkster.net/quiz/
eXpressive: 4/10
Practical: 5/10
Physical: 6/10
Giver: 6/10
You are a RPYG--Reserved Practical Physical Giver. This makes you a 1950s Parent.
You are relentlessly patient, loving, generous and devoted. You are unflappable. If on some rare occasion you do raise your voice or say a swear word in anger, anyone around to hear it will remember it (and think it was funny). At the same time, you're very cute and charming, and even if you don't catch someone's eye at the beginning of the night you'll surely have their attention by the end.
Your calm, conservative nature conceals a passionate (and sexy!) heart.
You can have trouble bringing up problems, but your approach to conflict is calm and even-handed. The problem can be is that you are so busy worrying about your partner's satisfaction that you don't ensure your own. This can build up over time and make you restless. Despite your sexual nature, you are more likely to cheat emotionally than physically.
You tend to work out your frustrations in the bedroom. Depending on your partner, this can be an excellent strategy. You would be a great candidate to balance out an XSYT, but not a good match for an unappreciative RPYT.
You have an odd, ritualized vice that doesn't suit the rest of your persona -- like smoking a certain brand of cigarettes or drinking a certain kind of wine.
Of the 183826 people who have taken this quiz, 4.8 % are this type.
the test said further that he is:
eXpressive: 2/10
Practical: 7/10
Physical: 5/10
Giver: 4/10
You are a RPYT--Reserved Practical Physical Taker. This makes you a Stoic.
You are intelligent, rugged, disciplined and profound. Even if you're saddled with a desk job, you are starving for the outdoors. You are very slow to warm up to people, and people are slow to warm up to you, but once they know you they never forget you.
You do not get much attention from your target sex, and this means you can feel unloved or unwanted. This is not the case! You are just a hard nut to crack, and your social anxiety leaves you overlooked or outside the frame altogether. What is good for you is increments of low-interaction group activity, like sports or outdoor work. The person who can chop wood with you will melt your heart.
In a long term relationship, you are loving and devoted. You are calm in a conflict until your partner presses your buttons -- it's never the problem at hand that gets under your skin, but how your partner handles it. Don't take offense! Sometimes it's just the only way your partner knows how to express things.
You would never cheat, and your approach to sex is conventional and almost prudish. But sex for you is a release and a necessity of life, and you have a sense of entitlement about it that can be trouble. Make sure your partner is comfortable and satisfied -- by communicating both in and out of the bedroom -- and you will be more satisfied yourself.
You may take a lot of what your partner does for granted. Make a special effort to reward and validate him/her, and you will be repaid in spades.
You have nice legs.
Of the 184648 people who have taken this quiz, 4.1 % are this type.
24.1.05
Of innocence, negativity and perversion
I am self-confessed chatter, reformed chat addict, hopeless romantic and once in a while a total neurotic rolled into one.. I know someone will call that cognitive dissonance or something like that..
I have met a lot of wonderful people throughout my cybercitizenship, some of whom I became fast friends with to this day. Of course I made a record of falling stupidly attached to someone I hadn’t met in person. It was a record because I had always been very protective of myself, until I let down my guard that caused an irreparable damage of breaking my heart. It has long been history and hatchets have long been buried. But that experience made me sought refuge to becoming a rule #1 staunch advocate.
Whether or not I remained faithful in that advocacy is another story. (*blush*)
During the course of that advocacy, I got to interact with young men, who made me want to set aside those beliefs. It was a rather difficult quest though. Afterall, when you have had you heart broken for the first time, it wouldn’t be a pleasant ride ahead.
But I have always had a positive attitude about humanity, thus it didn’t deter me from making friends anyway.
One of those guys was cutie, sexy and poetic. We didn’t have much smart conversations but he had this emotional side that warmed him up to me. He wouldn’t talk much except when talking about one topic that I wouldn’t dare articulate..I think he got tired of talking to me eventually, because I think at that time I was still a little bitter over that heartbreaking experience.
After over a year of disappearance, he came alive sounding very happy over an engagement to a lovely lass. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from him. I had nothing but genuine happiness for him.
To make the long story even longer, he and I became good friends. I guess like any good friend that I am to anyone, I harassed him with useless diatribes, which eventually appeared like an attack to him. I was branded primarily as someone who employs negativity most of the times..
I guess to a certain degree he may be right. He was something that my boyfriend wasn’t. He was always sweet..he always found time to talk to me. I think that was the bottom line of his faults. Poor kid..
Until he told me how they broke up and stuff…And then there was our last conversation. I have always looked up to him as a friend. And what happened between us in the past has long been buried. I was sooo close to reconsidering his appeals…lol (don’t ask!)
Anywayz, imagine a person whom you thought you can trust...someone whom you consider a friend..would suddenly stand up and show off his member.(!@#$%^&*()_+) When confronted about it, he would say he was just being open.. I don’t know if I am nuts or if he is…or it could be a socio-cultural barrier. Maybe in his country it is OK to show it off, but where I come from, those who do such a thing are called exhibitionists..they are considered sick, and must go see a doctor.
What I can’t believe though is that he thought I was as usual being negative…that I was being critical, and that I was the one who needed to see a shrink.
Oh well… It is never a loss to find out what people are really like before you get to meet them. I am lucky (for lack of a better term) to find out sooner.
I have met a lot of wonderful people throughout my cybercitizenship, some of whom I became fast friends with to this day. Of course I made a record of falling stupidly attached to someone I hadn’t met in person. It was a record because I had always been very protective of myself, until I let down my guard that caused an irreparable damage of breaking my heart. It has long been history and hatchets have long been buried. But that experience made me sought refuge to becoming a rule #1 staunch advocate.
Whether or not I remained faithful in that advocacy is another story. (*blush*)
During the course of that advocacy, I got to interact with young men, who made me want to set aside those beliefs. It was a rather difficult quest though. Afterall, when you have had you heart broken for the first time, it wouldn’t be a pleasant ride ahead.
But I have always had a positive attitude about humanity, thus it didn’t deter me from making friends anyway.
One of those guys was cutie, sexy and poetic. We didn’t have much smart conversations but he had this emotional side that warmed him up to me. He wouldn’t talk much except when talking about one topic that I wouldn’t dare articulate..I think he got tired of talking to me eventually, because I think at that time I was still a little bitter over that heartbreaking experience.
After over a year of disappearance, he came alive sounding very happy over an engagement to a lovely lass. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from him. I had nothing but genuine happiness for him.
To make the long story even longer, he and I became good friends. I guess like any good friend that I am to anyone, I harassed him with useless diatribes, which eventually appeared like an attack to him. I was branded primarily as someone who employs negativity most of the times..
I guess to a certain degree he may be right. He was something that my boyfriend wasn’t. He was always sweet..he always found time to talk to me. I think that was the bottom line of his faults. Poor kid..
Until he told me how they broke up and stuff…And then there was our last conversation. I have always looked up to him as a friend. And what happened between us in the past has long been buried. I was sooo close to reconsidering his appeals…lol (don’t ask!)
Anywayz, imagine a person whom you thought you can trust...someone whom you consider a friend..would suddenly stand up and show off his member.(!@#$%^&*()_+) When confronted about it, he would say he was just being open.. I don’t know if I am nuts or if he is…or it could be a socio-cultural barrier. Maybe in his country it is OK to show it off, but where I come from, those who do such a thing are called exhibitionists..they are considered sick, and must go see a doctor.
What I can’t believe though is that he thought I was as usual being negative…that I was being critical, and that I was the one who needed to see a shrink.
Oh well… It is never a loss to find out what people are really like before you get to meet them. I am lucky (for lack of a better term) to find out sooner.
28.12.04
My Coldest Christmas Ever
December 25, 2004. This is one Christmas that I will never forget. No, it wasn’t because I didn’t have a human blanket. I have lived the last 31 Christmases of my life without one, so what else is new?
I spent my Christmas at the Island Paradise of Boracay. While I have so much to say about its being an island paradise, I will just leave it as it is for now, perhaps catch up on it in another one of my ramblings.
Going to Boracay was filled with expectations of lots of parties, action all over the place, and practically no time to sleep. Spending Christmas there was the complete opposite. Sure it was the beginning of the peak season..tourists, local and foreign, flocked the place in hordes but I must say it was really quiet. To think I stayed up in a cottage next to Summer Place, where there was a disco going on until 5:30 a.m. of December 25.
Most of those who danced at the Summer Place were foreign tourists. I can’t forget this motherly lady of around 55, who danced the night away, occasionally coming up to the ledge at the prodding of a younger generation that looks like her children. There were also local tourists who danced real well; that a left footed me got cold feet to muster any courage to go to the dance floor.
Instead, I stayed at the cottage and thanked God for all the blessings that 2004 has brought into my life. I specially thought of human blankets, and if I will ever be blessed to have one. Maybe next year? I thanked God anyway that if it pleases Him, he is able to provide me one at His will. I thank Him for the one person, that if human blankets are for sale, I would pick him without blinking an eyelash, but at the same time I told God, that I am open if ever he isn’t the one he meant for me. I would cry some, but I will get over it, because I know His will is always the best.
I would get up occasionally from my own little world, look at the crowd next to the cottage, even dance to some of the music. But it was still very cold.
And then I remember my parents and sister. Back in my hometown, spending Christmas by themselves, because my brothers couldn’t go home as planned. I also thought of Cebu, where my brothers were preparing for a celebration fit for thirty guests. To think there was only four of them left in the city.
I thought about my family…and someone I wanted to start a family with, and the wind felt really cold. It was as if it was berating me for spending Christmas in an island paradise, when the real paradise is there where your loved ones are.
Boracay is a beautiful place….but Christmas should be spent with families.
I spent my Christmas at the Island Paradise of Boracay. While I have so much to say about its being an island paradise, I will just leave it as it is for now, perhaps catch up on it in another one of my ramblings.
Going to Boracay was filled with expectations of lots of parties, action all over the place, and practically no time to sleep. Spending Christmas there was the complete opposite. Sure it was the beginning of the peak season..tourists, local and foreign, flocked the place in hordes but I must say it was really quiet. To think I stayed up in a cottage next to Summer Place, where there was a disco going on until 5:30 a.m. of December 25.
Most of those who danced at the Summer Place were foreign tourists. I can’t forget this motherly lady of around 55, who danced the night away, occasionally coming up to the ledge at the prodding of a younger generation that looks like her children. There were also local tourists who danced real well; that a left footed me got cold feet to muster any courage to go to the dance floor.
Instead, I stayed at the cottage and thanked God for all the blessings that 2004 has brought into my life. I specially thought of human blankets, and if I will ever be blessed to have one. Maybe next year? I thanked God anyway that if it pleases Him, he is able to provide me one at His will. I thank Him for the one person, that if human blankets are for sale, I would pick him without blinking an eyelash, but at the same time I told God, that I am open if ever he isn’t the one he meant for me. I would cry some, but I will get over it, because I know His will is always the best.
I would get up occasionally from my own little world, look at the crowd next to the cottage, even dance to some of the music. But it was still very cold.
And then I remember my parents and sister. Back in my hometown, spending Christmas by themselves, because my brothers couldn’t go home as planned. I also thought of Cebu, where my brothers were preparing for a celebration fit for thirty guests. To think there was only four of them left in the city.
I thought about my family…and someone I wanted to start a family with, and the wind felt really cold. It was as if it was berating me for spending Christmas in an island paradise, when the real paradise is there where your loved ones are.
Boracay is a beautiful place….but Christmas should be spent with families.
27.9.04
my two cents
Whatta Sunday afternoon.!! Pretty interesting!!
Having lived a semi-boring existence for a while, a diversion from the usual routine is always a welcome change.
After a powerful meeting that Sunday afternoon, I went back on an eating binge with my girlfriends. Some guys tagged along but they had to move to a different place because they didn’t find the ambiance too inviting for their famished appetites.
My friend Joyce and I were supposed to go home but how we ended up in Bo’s Coffee with Cornell and Philip remains a mystery. (lol!)
The most interesting part of that Sunday afternoon conversation was the confession about the men’s perception of the women in church. (there were other things, but it is censored) It seems that they are under the impression that the women thinks the men are not good enough for them.
….which I found very disturbing, really!
Because the impression is sooo wrong! The men in church are fine. They are very passionate about their relationship with God and just as passionate about discipleship, among others.
It is a pity that they view the women that way. No wonder they hardly speak to us apart from topics such as church, ministry and cellgroup..Hehe!
Are the women really that scary? Or do they just need to be stronger?
Just my two cents.
Having lived a semi-boring existence for a while, a diversion from the usual routine is always a welcome change.
After a powerful meeting that Sunday afternoon, I went back on an eating binge with my girlfriends. Some guys tagged along but they had to move to a different place because they didn’t find the ambiance too inviting for their famished appetites.
My friend Joyce and I were supposed to go home but how we ended up in Bo’s Coffee with Cornell and Philip remains a mystery. (lol!)
The most interesting part of that Sunday afternoon conversation was the confession about the men’s perception of the women in church. (there were other things, but it is censored) It seems that they are under the impression that the women thinks the men are not good enough for them.
….which I found very disturbing, really!
Because the impression is sooo wrong! The men in church are fine. They are very passionate about their relationship with God and just as passionate about discipleship, among others.
It is a pity that they view the women that way. No wonder they hardly speak to us apart from topics such as church, ministry and cellgroup..Hehe!
Are the women really that scary? Or do they just need to be stronger?
Just my two cents.
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