Grateful

I was going to write about this for a competition, however the terms and conditions stipulated a limit on the number of the object of the gratitude. I found it a very difficult task because I couldn't pick one. Having said that, this is definitely NOT to print a picture of a rosy, perfect life because ours is certainly far from that. I just really wanted to give honour where honour is due.

In the words of our new senior pastor at church when he preached one sunday on a part of Numbers 13 that we so popularly remember as the account of the twelve spies, the ten spies who came back with emphasis on the negative report, did not understand the order of FAITH. There was no problem with the analysis, it was the order. In my life for instance I can quote the things I know of God and then go on complaining about the things that are not right in my life. OR, I can focus on God, inspite of my circumstances. And when I chose the latter, I found myself abounding with praise for the many miracles that I would probably have ignored if my attitude was different.

If truth be told,  I must admit it was a rather massive 2013 for us. We found ourselves in situations that were unfamiliar, leaving us with no answers. At the same time we felt the consequences of some miscalculated  decisions. But in the midst of the brouhaha, I am blessed with a husband whose loyalty and affection is towards God.  He refused to allow our challenges to bring us down and discourage us. I love that he  leads us to trust God always and to give room for a miracle from above. And did we see a number of miracles happen!

It was probably in the area of finances that we found ourselves badly hit. While it is an ongoing journey for us, already we have seen God move in so many ways. We could have chosen to hold on to every single penny, but we decided to partner with God and turn it into a step of faith. One example worth mentioning was when we participated in a faith promise for the next generation payable in one year. In the natural, it does not make sense to participate, with bills and expenses that needed to be paid. But as we prayed about it, we could not resist "testing" and waiting to see the floodgates open. (Mal 3:10b) Had we not participated, we would not have seen provision (from "out of the blue") for half of the amount we promised in the first quarter, get involve in a ministry partnership opportunity, support and even pay for a course for myself.

Speaking of a course, I did a 5-week study in assistant in nursing because I thought I wanted to get a job that allows shiftwork. My previous job in admin and database coordination is not a very feasible option because most of the availabilities are over an hour away one way from where I live. And I find it hard to leave my adorable three and four-year olds to work while most of whatever I make will just go towards child care fees. It was a very practical, hands on course and thank God I have small children because the over two years I spent with them at home came in very handy. When I did my two week work experience, I found myself overcame with compassion and my thoughts getting invaded by my  lovely, mostly dementiac residents that I had to spend some time praying for them. My performance review came back with the deputy director of nursing at that facility giving me excellent marks. It was a great encouragement for me, especially finding myself settling well (much to my surprise!)  and maybe even taking more classes in the future. A month after I finished the course, I got my driver's license (thank God!) which really helped because a few days later I got a job casually twenty minutes away from home. Less than a month into my employment, I got offered a permanent position and all I could say was - that is not NORMAL! We could never say that God has forgotten or left us alone. He has sorrounded us with friends who are like family - getting offers to toddlersit our kids when I was doing my training, or so I can pick up shifts available.

One time not too long ago (eventhough it seemed like a lifetime away) we found ourselves in a serious bind. We had a bill that needed to be paid on a monday but did not have enough money to settle it. A few days before that, one of my favourite brothers generously agreed to help. I was not sure the money will get into our account on time so I was stirring him to send it another way. We needed the help on a monday, not any other day. However all my subtle attempts did not work so even if something was arriving, I was sure we will not get it until two to three days later. So the stress of a bill that needed to be paid was still hanging over our heads. Sunday came and close friends who lived on the other side of the city (read: over an hour or so drive on the highway) from us were in our area and asked if they can pop in. Naturally we said yes. When they arrived, for some reason we split into two groups, me with the beautiful heavily pregnant friend were sitting in the lounge with the kids while our hubbies retreated to the playroom. In the course of my conversation with her, she said and I quote, maybe not verbatim (lol) - you will let us know if you need anything! In my head I was thinking that I had to be a better friend to her because she is ready to pop and being a first time mum, it can be overwhelming. However, I caught myself crying because I really appreciated her words and it just touched me but for some reason I changed the subject. I looked out for the hubbies who were in serious conversation but I did not think they would get into the details of our need at that moment. I was wrong - they came out with sweaty eyes (my darling husband mostly), and more help getting into our bank account via bank transfer. We were stunned! And we sat there long after they left in disbelief at the timing. We knew there has to be a POWER beyond HUMAN(read: the timing can only be GOD at work!) orchestrating all these things. But knowing the banking system, credits do not land into the accounts immediately -they get credited on the next banking day, even if the online transfer was made though the same bank.And then we were back to the monday situation! All the cash getting to our account, neither getting there in time for monday. An hour or so later, our friends came back with an envelope containing more than enough to sort out our monday debacle. It turned into a monday miracle because for some reason, all the monies got there early, yes, on that monday!

Our situation may have looked impossible, but the experience made our family into one team on the same side with our faith and dependence on God activated and strengthened. We love budgets now, and we endeavour to stick to it. We learned to be generous even in our lack More importantly we have greater capacity to make room for God to move. Which makes this new year really exciting! I love quoting 1Corinthians 2:9 in  the New Living Translation version - No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. Indeed, the best is yet to come!

she is officially ThRee!!

..and she had been asking me if it was her birthday or birthday party yet (which she used interchangeably by the way haha) two or three months ago. i must admit she must have gotten the vibe from me - we wished she was three early on so she could have gone to various kids program at  events that only accepted kids from three onwards. It did not help that her big brother, just by 11 months, gets to go to those programs while she has to stay with mama and get shushed at the slightest sound she makes.

Today things are different. She is officially three and gets to share the same age with her brother for a solid four weeks, to his displeasure, but much to her delight. Naturally, my thoughts drift back to three months after the taxing birth of our first born and finding out that we were pregnant again. To say that we were shocked would be an understatement. She must have known how we felt because she was in her best behavior from the womb. It was a very easy pregnancy, except for my history of pre eclampsia that I had to be checked more often I had a blood test almost every week on my third term and an ultrasound just as often. A few days after my 36th week, the doctors declared I was having pre eclampsia again so I was scheduled for an emergency ceasarean  and at 3:30 pm on the 16th of April in 2010 a healthy baby girl

Photo Credit: Isaac Wong

weighing 2.25 kilos was born into our young family and we thanked God for the opportunity and privilege to raise another beautiful child.

Although we had "almost" twins, I must say that having an easy baby like our little girl was such a blessing. She must have known because when she first came home she spent her times sleeping, unless she was hungry or needed a nappy change. She was not fussy with her food and at two and a half she decided she was over with nappies and it is time to tell mum she needed to go toilet, which she conveniently labeled "poop" for both wees and poos.

I am not saying she is perfect, like all mothers generally know, she has her stubborn streaks and we certainly endeavour to train her up in the way she should go so when she is old she will not depart from it (Prov 22:6).

But we love her dearly and we feel very blessed to be entrusted with her life and wouldn't change the timing of  her birth any other way.

i WORE green for my premmie..

I found a link to an online community supporting premmie families that reminded me of our own journey in 2009. It also made me wish we had access to all this information at that time. Don't get me wrong, we had great support from friends and their encouragement and help certainly  eased things for us.

I can still clearly remember that friday night of May 15th because I had difficulty sleeping then. I tried sleeping on the couch, made it to our bed and even tried the floor but the discomfort on my tummy just wouldn't let me sleep. By midnight I decided to wake my husband, bearing in mind what they said at our childbirth class that if we ever feel anything and we were not sure what it was, then we should call the maternity ward at the hospital. They advised us to go to emergency, and to tell them that it was not pregnancy related because at that time I was only 32 weeks and a few days pregnant. Of course when the nurse at emergency took my blood pressure, I was immediately wheeled to the maternity ward because my blood pressure was so high, I was having pre-eclamsia. At that time the staff started pricking me with needles but they couldn't find my veins because I was bloated. At some point they also decided that my case was more complicated, I had to be moved to another hospital. I don't remember what time we got to the other hospital which was about 20 minutes drive by ambulance. When we got there they worked on finding my veins again and after the head specialist came, they finally did some blood tests leaving me with lots of needle marks that took years to fully heal.

In the meantime a very nice nurse came to look after me, told me to have a shower and change into a nice dress, and then broke the news that I have to change back into a hospital gown because I was booked for emergency ceasarean on the same day.

It was a shock but a couple of months ago, a friend from work also gave birth a few weeks early so in my mind, as a first time parent, I thought some births don't happen as planned and I just wanted our little boy out or we both won't be safe. So on  May 16, at 2:55 pm we welcomed a 1.6 kilos little boy, held him briefly at

the operating theater and he was whisked away by the kind hospital staff to be looked after. In the meantime I was taken to recovery. I remember being woken up at 11 pm to have another look at our little

premmie before he was  taken to the neonatal intensive care unit at another hospital as he needed a higher level of care as the one provided at the special care unit in the same hospital where I had given birth.

The next day my husband drove early to one hospital to see our little boy, talk to the doctors and nurses to find out how he was doing and drive to another hospital to see me and update me of what was happening. There was talks that I was going to be moved to the other hospital, but getting a bed there was a real challenge and our baby beat me to recovery after a few days that he was well within the level of care of the special care unit at the hospital where I was.

His premature birth posed an issue - breastmilk. Inasmuch as the nurses were very kind and compassionate with my situation, I felt, as a new mother, an inner pressure to produce milk for my baby. However it just didn't work out and after getting stuck at 20 mls max  every time I expressed milk, I felt that maybe my baby was better off having formula. I think I felt more guilty for not having enough milk that I had to give him the next best thing, seeing how tiny he was and how much he needed the nourishment and fast!

A few days after he was moved back, he had issues with his feeding and while the specialists asurred us that he will be better off back in that other hospital because the doctors there deal with such cases all the time and they have a specialist that does his rounds regularly as opposed to one every week where we were. We had no choice but to agree because we just wanted our baby to be well and to come home with us. However that afternoon there was a distressing situation at special care and I was there. It did not help me emotionally at all and the thought that it could be our baby and he could be in a very bad shape. I knew we had friends and families praying for us, but at that time, in what was probably my lowest point in the whole ordeal, I remember telling God that if anything happened to our little boy, that I would probably be very angry (I think I used the word hate) but I also clearly remember thinking that at the end of the day, I knew that I will come back to God and He is the ONE who stays unshakable in the midst of our shaky situation.

A week after his birth I was discharged and we spent the next five weeks driving to the hospital early to feed him, do his morning and afternoon cares and leave just after dinner at around 7pm to go home and rest. We thank God for friends who made us homecooked meals. Without them we would have spent those five weeks eating hospital or fast food. After nearly two weeks, our little boy was taken back to special care at the other hospital for another three weeks til he was discharged and cleared to go home.

His birth was most certainly not what we expected but he has been a constant source of pride and joy from the time he was born. If he becomes a world traveller/musician/missionary/race car or ambulance driver - it wouldn't come as a surprise seeing that he had already been out and about in under five weeks. Or maybe he might choose the medical profession as he stayed long in hospital.

Mr Little No More

He was discharged healthy, easy and happy, the pediatrician told us during our last appointment to stop seeing him because he was very happy with his growth and development. The upside of his extended hospital stay was him coming home with a routine. Nearly four years later, he has caught up with kids his age, at times he even gets mistaken as older than his age.

In hindsight maybe it was good that we didn't have as much information, however helpful it could have been, and maybe it saved our sanity. Or God was just looking after us and being faithful like  He said in his word -  "..do not be afraid or terrified..He will never leave or forsake you" Deut 31.6

Overflow of Thanksgiving 2007

this was posted in april 2007

As a young woman, I made a decision early in life that I will never marry someone from the military or who works as a seaman. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against this professions and I do have friends among them. It was just that I thought that there is no point in getting married and being separated from your spouse for a long period of time. It was a personal choice without any intention of offending anyone.

When I got married last year, I didn't have to confront the issue since I married a man who thinks our children should live with us until they finish a post graduate education. Obviously we share the same attitude towards family togetherness, with a slight difference in terms of the length.

Of course we both knew that there will be a short period that we will be away from each other, but we will eventually be together. What we didn't realize is that it will take us three months to complete the necessary documents plus another  month or so to process the application.

While I am not pointing fingers or shifting blames, I must admit that the past four months hasn't been easy. It seemed like forever. We've been waiting for two months now since we submitted our papers but the great divide between us doesn't seem to close anytime soon. At least that is how it looks. What with many cold, sleepless nights coupled with loneliness attacks.

But God do not operate based on our senses and his works should never be judged based on our feelings.
I have to admit that He seemed invisible, as if He had forgotten me or worst, He simply doesn't care. For two days those thoughts filled my mind. However, knowing God, I knew in the end that He is not to blame, that I will come crying before Him like always. But I also needed the secure feeling of assurance that He is indeed doing something. So for two days I ignored Him. I went to His word to confirm that He has no intention of getting back at me.

Inspite of my wavering faith and tremendous bouts with doubt, it didn't seem to shake God - for faithful is His name! He came in the form of my husband, whom I call the sermonator, -always speaking with wisdom, encouragement and love. He spoke through the weekend service, reminding me that I need to walk tall, stay above my circumstances and confess God's sustaining grace in this time of separation.

I thanked my friend who preached the Word and told him how he singled me out in his preaching. I knew it was God reminding me that He has not forgotten me!

I don't want to be known as a person who was so close to getting her prayers answered, except that I was always whining that God had to delay the answer, in order to correct my attitude. I would like to be His daughter who exercised her faith towards her faithful Father. I would like to be a wife who brings joy and pride to her husband and family.I would like to be someone who stood tall and held on to His maker just because he said Trust me in this. I would like to be a woman of faith who overflows with thanksgiving because it is the right thing to do.