- please.. It usually takes me hours to finish a blog. Let me tell you - it gets me really excited when I have put a story or a series of unrelated stories into one. It's like giving birth every time - the bit where you meet your newborn for the first time. And I have to admit feeling really pleased.
I am a mum to two preschool kids. I can't even count the number of times they surprise me with words like reality, idea, actually, imagination used in the right context - just a few that I can remember off the top of my head. But other times I long for adult conversation, and blogging has become that avenue for me to do a narrative ( because I can't do that with my kids - I get politely interrupted with "excuse me mummy, I have something to tell you") and a creative outlet, if I may be so audacious to use that term.
So when I found out that some people, a few of whom are very close friends of our family, were offended by one of the points I blogged about, I was deeply saddened. I was literally physically sick that I almost could not accompany my son to a birthday party! Never mind that they have long forgiven me way before I even found out!
I thought maybe there are others who are just lurking out there and not saying anything, just waiting to explode. (we don't want that.. I can get a bit dense, unless I am told that there is an issue)
What prompted me to ask them was an incident totally unrelated, with another person then becoming historical, finding undertones on stuff that I blogged in the past. What I found very sad about the later was - this person, whom I thought knew me better, would much rather talk to others instead of confronting me about the issue. Even after I opened doors for a conversation, the "door was slammed" all because of a misunderstanding. After giving it some thought, I realised that there was more to the issue as I thought I knew or the whole thing would not be blown out of proportion. Which happens when offenses are not dealt with. But no judgement there - just wished it was dealt with differently.
I remember being confronted as a young person, and learning early that - people who are NOT part of the PROBLEM or SOLUTION do not need to know about an issue or it becomes gossip. And if I ever get offended, I should speak to the person involved. In cases where I do not want to, I should just let it slide. Or look at the situation from the person's point of view, hopefully it will shed some light over the differences of opinion.
Because of the abovementioned incidents, it made me rethink why I blog, what motivates me to make time to put together my thoughts, and tell stories etc. Anyone who knows me well will hopefully know that I will never offend them ON PURPOSE! I think of myself as transparent - the what you see is what you get sort. I do not subscribe to disposable relationships, thus I don't go about making friends while secretly scheming something on the side. I would like to think of myself as one who aspires to builds up, not tear people down. Many times I had to bite my tongue in the name of keeping quiet when I have nothing positive/encouraging to say.
With all those thoughts invading my mind at different times, it made me realise that maybe I needed to state the obvious and spell things out -
1. Whatever I write or have written in the past, it has my BELIEFS, BACKGROUND, SOCIO-CULTURAL ORIENTATION, EDUCATION, LIFE EXPERIENCES all over the place! Please do not read something in here and analyse it based on what you think it means. If you're not sure, ask me. I might even pay for coffee :p It is my opinion. I am not writing to criticise other people's choices or pass judgement, that is NOT my place. It is not like me. And if you thought I was being offensive, please ACCEPT my APOLOGIES. I am only expressing my opinion on a subject that I am passionate about.
A friend said that if people will choose to be offended, they will always find something to be offended about. True that - even if a line starts with no offense.
2. Let's agree to disagree - there will always be something that I will blog about that you won't be happy with. Let's leave it at that. We are all different! And that's what makes life exciting! I don't know about you but I wouldn't want a friend who will agree with me at every opportunity.
When I was feeling sick and a bit depressed over the dramas of my life, I messaged a long time friend who once told someone that if they wanted a friend who will tell the truth even if it hurts (only when asked) to go to a friend like me. I miss my friends with whom I have had long history with. The kind that knew me, without having to explain anything to them. At the same time I am grateful for the new friends that I have made who even though I haven't known them that long, feels like they have been there all along.
3. Some things are not worth losing friendships for!
I remember being in a situation where I felt that I have every right to be angry and offended over a friend's action. However when I calmed down and thought of what my reaction would have done even if I felt that I had every legitimate reason to feel entitled to be angry, I calculated that it was not worth losing a friendship for.
A favourite speaker once said - if you overlook my imperfections, I will agree to overlook yours.
4. We all need grace - getting what we don't deserve - and if we have experienced grace from THE Creator, it makes it easier to extend grace to others.
Someone once said that one of the best test to a lasting friendship is when they get past offenses.
At the end of the day it would be nice if this was known as a venue where anyone reading will leave encouraged, hopeful and joyful. At least to all five of you who regularly read my blog! (Haha - thanks!) And, if after reading this you feel like giving me a piece of your mind, will you sleep on it? And if you still feel the same way afterwards, maybe we are due for a catch up anyway. :-)
