because the one guy who makes my heart melt called..silly me!
No he didn't call because he wants me back...It was in reaction to his question of how i was doing. I gave a matter of fact reply that I am messed up but will be fine soon.
He said in mostly unintelligible terms that I should not allow the situation to affect me ( I guess I was too tongue tied to react or even hear what he was saying).
I think I may be going thru some delayed reactions to what now is an extinct (for lack of a better term) relationship. I really don't know but thoughts of him and us keeps haunting me. It's not like I keep revisiting it, I don't. Coz I know that if i want to get out of this emotional quagmire fast, I have to stop remembering and I tried...real badly...but still it keeps bothering me.
I wish I am like HIM, that I can just tell myself not to let it affect me. I know I took my every conversations with him seriously, and treasured them in my heart and believed just like a little girl promised of a happy ever after. What keeps ringing in my head is this song he sang, about us being able to make it if we try. Of course I knew that people change their minds, but I did not know how I managed to convince myself that he is not everyone, that everyone else will change their minds but NOT him. I guess it was also because I know that part of me will die without him. So that I knew letting go was never an option. That's something I have validated awhile back because unknown to him, I have tried several times to let go, only to find myself miserably failing at it.
Until now..I can't fail this time.. because it is what he wants, and maybe even what we need (tho my whole being is clearly revolting at such ideas). And even if it is NOT what I want or need, I have to convince myself everyday that it is the RIGHT thing to do or even if it isn't, there is nothing I can do about it.
Me, AFFECTED? Absolutely...I can't help it, especially if we're talking about having to let go of someone who means the world to me.
I know a lot of people think I am silly or stupid. Sometimes I think that way too, but over and above that, I am just a girl who fell recklessly in love head on, face flat I didn't even know what hit me. The good news for me is, I will rise up, and after this dark stormy emotional hysteria is over, the sun will surely shine on me again.
I miss him terribly and I can't possibly put in intelligible terms how much I love him. It is my hope and prayer that one day, when I think about him, I will be able to smile knowing that he's one guy I love, meant my whole world, had to let go yet no longer affects me.
God help me!
Iceprincess, truthfully
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