I had a somebody moment and I didn't even realise it.
I recently listened to a podcast from church about an "everybody" to a "somebody" message, one that moves from a generic message for everyone to one that is spoken directly to you ( as our pastor so eloquently explained).
Well, it happened one Sunday during the afternoon service of missions giving.
The whole month of March was missions month and we got to hear stories from our church missionaries. Along with that came the challenge to prayerfully give towards missions. So my husband and I prayed separately, and as missions Sunday came, I asked him how much he felt we should give, to which he quoted double the amount that I felt we should. I kept quiet. I wish I can say I quietly prayed but I didn't. I was silently calculating in my head where the money will come from.
I think for as long as I can remember, when we pray about how much to give and we get different amounts, we have decided to go with whichever is higher. I don't really remember why, we just did.
That Sunday when the missions giving was about to be collected, I picked up the form and began filling it out, leaving the amount empty. I negotiated with God in my head. I did not want to verbally complain and nullify whatever "return" that giving means but I sure complained nonetheless, I even had a scripture to back me up. I was asking God questions. In the end we did not let the bucket pass us by without putting in beyond what we could.
That evening we came back and it felt like God was personally talking to me during the whole preaching. The speaker used the scripture that I was thinking about that morning. And when he said that the only way he and his wife gives is all in, that was exactly one of the thoughts I had, except I was asking why we always had to give " all in" even when we didn't have anything.
I felt a God moment that night, with every single reason I raised in my head gently reassured. I felt a sense of relief that we released the finances anyway even if it was not easy and completely beyond our ability.
A week later, we went away for a few days, had the best fun, and paid everything in cash. Sure our car battery died and had to make an emergency expense, but we did not break the bank.
The next week I got paid, and to my surprise, I received more, a little bit over the amount that I struggled to release that Missions Sunday.
I thought it was a reminder that God is looking after us, that every single thought we have is important to Him, even the ones that remain unspoken.
I know that I would still have received extra if we didn't give because it actually came from penalty rates for working during the holiday, but it wouldn't have meant as much as it did when we found out. And the timing of the amount we released and the extra pay is nothing short of amazing. I'm glad we obeyed anyway, even if I grumbled, albeit in silence. Good thing it did not disqualify us from experiencing the joy that came with it.
If I learned any lesson from this experience, it is that God is NOT intimidated with my questions. And even if my circumstances says I can't afford it but I clearly heard what I needed to do, I should release and obey anyway.