OK..Here I go again posting about my rants..This is MY blog after all, so I can do anything I want, right? Hehehe!
And I certainly didn’t write to engage in a harsh, accusatory criticism of any gender.
Anyhow, I know of two-timers who get into this kind of situation for cheap thrill and how they end up with nothing. Others get away with it. I also hear of hearts being badly beaten and broken. And I can go on and on to write about this but I wouldn’t want anyone reading this to get a bad impression on love and relationships.
I was a late bloomer when it comes to relationships. While I curiously got involved with someone during the later part of my senior high, it wasn’t until I was twenty-eight that I truly fell in love. And I have had my heart broken as well…But for someone who has been broken hearted three times, I have learned not only to cope with my broken heart, but more importantly getting restored, becoming whole, and learning to love again.
After that short escapade with curiosity, I was blest with the opportunity to meet Mr. Love, who taught me and gave me a much better picture and understanding of love relationships. Written in His Manual in 1Corintians 13, it says:
13:4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 13:6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 13:7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 13:8 Love never ends.
So with that in mind, I loved with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength every single one of those three men, but not at the same time.
While I feared the idea of loving, I learned that real love covers over all fear. When I loved fearlessly, it was simply liberating. And I didn’t have to deal with what ifs, because I know that if the relationship didn’t work out in the end, I already did everything I can and there is nothing else I can do to save it.
Does it mean I stop loving them when the relationship ends? Someone very dear to me told me that love is a choice. I guess when you made the choice to love, choosing to stop loving is a very difficult process. But that’s part of healing. When you hear from this people and it doesn’t hurt you anymore, then you must have gotten over them. When you find out that they are happily seeing someone else and you are genuinely happy for them, then you must have learned to let go. When you no longer wish to skin them alive, or stay away from people of the same race and color, or country as they are, then you have finally recuperated. And then you can love again.
It sounds like a tall order, but it has worked for me. That’s why I can love freely after a heart breaking, earth shattering experience. None of the three relationships that I have been in left me completely torn to pieces. When I let go, I close every door in my heart to that person because my feeling is, if it didn’t work out once, after every possible intervention, what makes me think it can work out again?
That’s why I have never been torn between two people I love. And I don’t think I will ever be. Perhaps that’s the reason why it takes me awhile to move on, because I slowly unlearn every habit I associate with a person, and when I am through, I can honestly sing the song that goes: I am over you somehow, only love knows how, I’ve got the strength to move on!
8 comments:
i agree ms yani...
life is all about choices, AND
loving is a choice...
in loving you need presence of mind and the will to go on
if you love based on your emotion...
people get sad,
people get ecstatic,
people get disappointed,
people got moods...
it takes a big heart, strong will and decision to love...
AND it takes a big heart, strong will and decision to leave someone you love...
every situation is a choice
and there is no one to blame...
mam, makahilak pud ta sa imong blog...
are u torn between two lovers?:) hmmmmm.. lemme think...:)
i agree with anonymous (whoever you are). it takes an obedient heart to leave someone you cherish.
way to go IcePrincess...!!!
indeed, love is a choice (as a matter of fact, it's the best choice one can ever make in his/her lifetime)
it's always better to love and get hurt than
to be torn between two lovers...
(ummm, what's that again?)
ms anonymous aka ella..
thanks for sharing ur thoughts..someday, i will write someone what u shared with me in our ym chat.."thank you for letting go of me...for setting me free from the choice"..er..maybe i should write..better yet tell them to their face when I get the chance...lol! do you mind if i borrow ur line?
-----
ms. gorgeous quiet_storm,
i am not torn between two lovers...i am the other party..shhhh!! lol!
------
bluepretty,
hunnii, it's about time you make that choice yourself..and stop breaking those poor guys' hearts..
winkz winkz!
ice
do u mind if i borrow ur line 2 ms. blue pretty:)" thank you for letting go of me.. for setting me free form the choice." :) love it!hehehe.:)
juz droppin by gorgeous ice princess..:)
i tell you, that was a very effective line... bullseye talaga!
my friend and fellow May birthday celebrator forwarded this to me ...it is too nice not to share:
THE ART OF LETTING GO
By Bum Tenorio, Jr.
The Philippine Star
Chengdu, China - A few hours now, I will be embarking on an exciting
winter tour of the Three Gorges of the Yangtze River on board Galaxy
Cruise Ship. The weather here in Chengdu is freezing cold - a little
below five degrees Celsius, says Legend, our English-speaking Chinese
tour guide. He adds that once on the cruise, the temperature will drop
to zero or below zero degrees Celsius. My whole body is already
chilled to perfection except that my heart is throbbing like a glowing
cinder amidst Chengdu's biting cold. I will spend my Valentine's Day
on the cruise - alone but not lonely - in celebration of my freedom.
My very own freedom.
For 10 long years, albeit long distance, I carried on a relationship
with a person I thought I would grow old and gray with. I sacrificed
to the degree that I loved. Until one proverbial day, my love for
myself began where my love for that person ended.
With my experience in the department of romance, I learned that the
art of letting go is mathematically proportional to the art of
self-preservation. Like all ethics and etiquettes, letting go and
preserving oneself are crafts that can be mustered and mastered by
people who want to get out of the crude and vicious cycle. These
skills are the summation of one's conscious convictions - albeit
peppered and punctured with nerve wracking and heart wrenching
feelings - to be happy and complete in one's silence and solitude.
Love makes the world go round, they say. Even Henry David Thoreau, one of my
favorite American writers and philosophers, said that there is no remedy to
love but to love more. I say, however, that loving
yourself more by letting go of someone who love you less (or does not
love you anymore) makes you a better person.
Days before the cruise, I asked my spiritual adviser and very good
friend, Fr. Corsie Legazpi, a healing priest, why many people live an
unhappy life. "It is because," he says, "the unhappy people have have
not truly and experientially loved themselves." I agree. "They have
killed themselves by loving others and forgetting that they have their
own life to live and love." I agree even more.
In Romance 101, just like in any subject about life, not all problems
can be solved. They can only be managed. Problems concerning the
affairs of the heart cannot be remedied right away. Letting go is part
of problem management. Many suffer from broken-heartedness because they do
not want to move on. Why hold on to your love for someone who, come hell or
high water, will not love you or will not fulfill his/her end of the bargain
of loving you back? Why do you have to stick it out with someone who will
choose either the devil or the deep blue sea but you? If the love of your
life is sumakabilang BAHAY na (now living with another man/woman,) please be
brave enough to penetrate the deep and depressing recesses of your life or
else ikaw naman ang sasakabilang BUHAY (you will die broken-hearted).
Empower yourself.
Tell yourself that you will only love him/her until the day that
he/she loved you. As Father Corsie says: "No one has the monopoly of
power. What you can do to me, I can do to you."
The art of letting go starts from the ultimate conviction that you
love yourself more and you believe that you don't deserve to be hurt.
As I said in my earlier article, happiness is a responsibility. We
have options in life. And we can choose to go to the person who loves
us. "Remember this," Father Corsie advises me, "when you're down and
out, alone and lonely, do not go to the one you love. Instead, go to
the one who loves you." (Hey, even the dog goes where it feels loved.
Tayo pa kayang mga tao?)
If you're into a relationship and you continually hurt each other, it
comes to a point when you have to make a decision whether or not love is
enough to salvage the relationship; whether or not love is
sufficient to keep the embers of your affair burning. If the hurting
situation is recurrent, say it happens at an average of once or twice
a month, it's time you weighed out your relationship. If the hurting
situation is irreparable, irremediable, and irretrievable, that's the
time you say goodbye. If you come back to each other's arms and hurt
each other again, love becomes self-defeating, an exercise in
futility. It takes two to tango, right? How do you think can you do an
Argentinean dip if you're dancing alone? Hello!?! (Even Jennifer as
Paulina needed Richard Gere as John to do the tango in the feel good
but no-brainer movie Shall we Dance?) The point is, there are many
other people who are worth loving, people who are worth caring for,
people who will give equal emotional investment.
Yes, love is economics, too. There is a supply of emotion because
there is a demand for it. Irregularities between the supply and demand
of emotion create commotion. Either there will be a deficit of love or
a surplus of love that becomes asphyxiating. The demand should only
meet the supply. Venturing into an amorous relationship involves
investment of time, effort, energy, body, and yes, life. Therefore,
there should be equitability between partners. If you settle for
anything less, then that is tantamount to doing great disservice to
yourself. That is not love. That is something else.
Redeem yourself by letting go. Learn how to pick up the pieces of your
shattered life. Go to the right places where good people congregate.
(Perhaps you'll meet the right person there.) There's more to life
after separating from the guy or girl you idolized and to whom you
gave your all. Hey, don't blame yourself for giving your all because
that means you can retrieve it again at a hundred percent basis. If
your emotional capitalization is 100 percent, expect to get back the
same amount for yourself. Don't hide. Cry. Cry some more. It's all
right to cry because you get hurt. There's something with tears that
cleanses the soul and purifies the spirit. But never ever run around
like a headless chicken. Don't give the person who hurt you the
opportunity and satisfaction to see you suffer. You will not
authentically love someone unless you authentically love yourself. If
we go by the rule of the authenticity, there's no love loss then. This
is because at the end of the equation you will find yourself - scathed
but fighting (not to win him/her back but to win back yourself),
bruised but still waging a conscious sure-win battle (of not
conquering him/her again but conquering your own fears, weakness and
loneliness).
If you are the agrieved party, part of moving on - though it may come
later on in the process - is forgiving the person who hurt you.
Forgiveness - which I believe is a grace from God - and coming back
are two different things. You can forgive but that does not mean you
have to come back to each other's arms again. On the other hand, if
you have aggrieved someone, learn how to apologize. Saying sorry is
something we have learned before we even went to pre-school. Those who do
not know how to say "I am sorry" are insulting your capacity to
forgive.
My bestfriend Christine Dayrit (who writes a travel column for the
STAR) and I, fiercely loyal that we are, have this mantra: "We will
only die for the person who will die for us." If in this lifetime I
will not find someone, I will be honestly happy and contenct in my
solitude.
There's dignity in being alone.
Post a Comment