this parenting gig: when hovering has its benefits

i was once accused of helicopter parenting by a random person because i would much rather stay close to where my kids were playing. which was close to the road, the alternative being that i listen to a whinger about a relationship that's falling apart. i suppose i would much rather be accused of anything, because I would much rather hover over my kids than have someone else dump their rubbish on me.

and those times that i do hover are really amazing especially when i hear about their conversations between them or with their friends. others we are able to nip some things in the bud, before some words become part of their everyday vocabulary.

we have always spoken to them as we would with adults, even before they started talking. these are just a few of the things we/others have had a chat with them that they surprisingly took on board -

1- how special they are and that God loves them very much. they started hearing these ideas from one year old at a class in church via a memory verse that goes - God even knows the number of hairs on my head. I am worth more than a million birds Luke 12.7 Imagine my surprise when our little miss said something to that effect when someone else was telling her something different.

2- not to be afraid. sometimes they get this, other times they don't and they often use it when it is convenient such as when one of them wants company to go upstairs. an appropriate as well as convenient reply is often - that's okay, God is with you, remember?

3-private parts. we  had to do this chat a bit early because of an incident that happened around them. i am very grateful for the mum that mentioned it to me, prompting me to pray and  google what to say!! Thank God for what I uncovered after a little research. Someone mentioned that to pretend that the issue will go away is ignorant. How interesting that our now 4 and 5 year-olds make random comments related to that conversation when they were 3 and 4, including about dancers and swimmers who don't cover their bodies.

4-secrets. a necessary corollary to our private parts conversation is secrets. we had to stop using the word altogether because apparently it is a word often used by perpetrators. we told them we do not keep secrets from each other and that we should always tell. We can surprise each other, not keep secrets.

imagine our amazement when we slip and use the word secret and little people comes to us reminding us that we don't keep secrets. very impressive! it made us conscious at remembering what we tell them because it will come back to us.

5- ugly/fat/stupid and words like that. we had to tell them that there are some words they will hear that we don't use. and because they somehow understand #1, it is easier to engage them in conversation, point them back to God (like we do when they start having tantrums when we don't buy them everything they want in the shop, our #1 standard question being - did you talk to God about it?)

i can keep going but  i feel that in the end we will only be held accountable for what we do with the little lives that we are given the privilege to raise. the Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 says Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

it goes without saying that we do not have everything figured out. everyday is a learning experience. some days we fall into the trap of screaming, getting annoyed and being impatient instead of being gracious and loving. most days though, we needed to be deliberate about telling them how much they are loved, how gorgeous little miss is and what a gentle champion our little mister is. we also have to learn to correct them in love. 

needless to say, i have now kept my distance from that random person. what great observation skills - i will have to give credit to that. i just wish it is used to build and encourage. instead of tear others down - but that's another topic for another day.