if i were a piece of thread...

i would have long disintegrated..did i say thread? hehehe!

it's been really busy at work for me..what with our MAJOR anniversary celebration, project that is about to end and deadlines that have long expired and yet remained undone.

and then there are questions about career path..my work's relevance to my purpose, mission and vision in life and the question of whether or not I will eventually get married.

last night i had a brawl with myself due to weariness, loneliness and stress. sheezh whatta lethal combination plus of course add to that the above mentioned scenario and you will get an explosion.

well, i didn't at least not yet..but there are few things that add up to the questions that i have been asking myself. what is the relevance of english proficiency in my life that i had to attend that orientation earlier? of course the free lunch was a favor because i asked for it but what was my boss thinking? i guess i should call on a meeting with him already.hmm...

and i am writing this blog because i was asked to write another message for our souvenir program one more time at a very short notice. and yes, i am still in the office at 9:30 pm with nothing but a blank page on Microsoft Word staring back at me.

i need a life...hmmm...things would have been ok if there's a so called lovelife..but that is an entirely different story that deserves another blog.

don't call me bAbY!

i have a confession to make...and don't ask for specifics because you won't get any...lol! i called someone baby when i messaged him sometime not too long ago.

well? you ask??? hahaha! don't hold your breath..it gave him goosebumps.

i wanted to put on a poor me mentality with that response...stop talking to him for as long as forever..bury him into oblivion..but on second thought, i said, "yeah right! like i can actually do it!" hihihi! besides it didn't look like a very christian thing to do, apart from being uncharacteristic of me.

at the risk of sounding too self confident, i know a lot of people would kill for me to give them my slightest attention..much more for me to call them baby!!! sheesh!

so after a thorough analysis, i decided to act in the opposite spirit and call him baby nonetheless! that would be fun, right? i can just imagine him cringe everytime i send him sms, email or even talk to him on the phone..lol!! baby...winkz winkz!

yeah, baby!!!!

who's it gonna be??

..feeling lost, sad and mad at the same time...but wanting to write about love again...hehehe!!

if you were in a situation wherein you have to choose between the one you love or the one who loves you..who would you go for??

it is a very complicated situation tho not necessarily mine ~winkz winkz~ but i want to write about it nonetheless.

let's say here's this guy with whom you are VERY crazy about, you think you will cease living without him. of course you are aware that the chances of you having him all for yourself for the rest of your life is very slim...almost like one in every one zillion...different priorities, among others, but you take the risk anyway...after all, life without him is almost not living.

and then there's this guy, the sweetest thing..always available for you..would even do anything just to let you know that you are the most important person on earth..

any rational being would probably choose the latter. but whoever said the heart is rational? anyone who has loved will agree with me when i say that the heart always has a mind of its own. sometimes it is clearly not helpful...or even healthy, but you go ahead and follow your heart anyway.

however, all things being equal, given time and a slim chance i have a feeling Mr. Sweet Thing will catch up, and even capture a maiden's heart.

afterall, what lady in her right mind would go on chasing someone who doesn't even show interest on her? and what lady would not melt at a guy who makes her feel special in every respect? what lady would not be blown away when a Mr. Sweet Thing comes her way?

now back to the original question...the one you love? or the one who loves you?

the heart has soooo much explaining to do!!

chona mae's resignation..

after a month of avidly following chona in the city, it is very sad to note that her author Francis decided to end her existence today..

it is a loss to many fans, but perhaps it is plenty of time added to their productivity at work since there's no more blogs to scan...i am speaking for myself of course..

goodbye chona mae...thank you francis for the entertainment during dreary times at work..it was good while it lasted. and like many good things, it may have ended but the memories will always linger..

sheezh!

it is an overwhelmingly sad day....

...today!

we had a project review at work which actually made the project team as well as the ever helpful project officer from our funding agency help us see how far behind we really are from the project workplan.

problems that we did not see in the beginning are coming up and a back up plan is in the works. i am very sad because it entails a lot more work to the load that i am already in...the thought of it is just so overwhelmingly heavy it makes me cry inside..

God help me meet the deadlines. sometimes it makes me ask if this is actually what i want to do in the long run..

truthfully my job is pretty exciting and it has uncovered talents that i would otherwise not be given an opportunity if i was in another organization. however i feel so stretched to the limits that it is beginning to look like all this efforts is not really what matters in light of my lifelong dreams, ambition, mission and vision.

Lord give me strength and encouragement in this otherwise heavy day!

love....a battle??

or is it really?

now, seriously i am not lovestruck, as you probably already suspect at this post! it just so happen to be a topic that i am very passionate about...well, among other things! lol!!!

a movie i recently watched had that song on its soundtrack. I copied part of the lyrics below:

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we’re wrong
Searchin’ our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

You’re beggin’ me to go, you’re makin’ me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad?
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you’ve had?
Believe me, believe me, I can’t tell you why
But I’m trapped by your love, and I’m chained to your side
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all of us have battles to fight at some point in our lives. hearing that song made me shake my head in disagreement.

battles mostly have negative connotation to me - battles with this or that disease, battles against corruption, poverty or terrorism, to name a few. unless of cours we are referring to the battle of the brainless, then it should elicit a lot of laughter in the beginning. of course it can be sickening when we get too much of it. then that's already the negative part of it.

but love??? a battle?!?? somehow i find that idea difficult to reconcile with my usual idea of battles. perhaps because i am a self-confessed hopeless romantic, i want all love stories to have a happy ending. to my myopic brain, battles in love must refer only to heartaches..afterall that's the messy part!

but then again happy endings don't just happen overnight. it involves a lot of risk assessment and mega-compromise.

in a conference i recently attended, the speaker mentioned the four pillars of relationships being trust, love, communication and forgiveness.

and each pillar could fill an entirely different blog but...trust is basically the foundation of relationships, love the motive and communication the process..and forgiveness? it is the thread that restores.

by simply looking at those pillars, it makes me think how much hard work is required for a love to stand.

i will maintain my CLAIM at me being un-lovestruck, but this musings just made me think that maybe...just maybe love is a battlefield afterall. lol!

anyhow.....if only my boss will let me write abt my rants instead of those press releases, my life wouldn't have to be a battlefield...hehehe!

disclaimer..., etc!

P.S. The amazing love story is not mine, as those who know me can tell, but i do wish to one day write something about my own.

It is written with permission of one party concerned. Hopefully the dashing and debonnaire young man will make comments. Or the dazzlingly gorgeous lady will one day read it so I can get feedback.
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MY THOUGHTS

wasn't it a lovely story? indeed there is a beautiful prize in waiting.

sometimes in my own life i tend to miss out because it is always easier to trust when you can see something...or in this case, someone tangible! but then again FAITH is the substance of things HOPED for and the evidence of what is NOT seen!

how easier it is to grumble and complain rather than pray and wait! and God won't be upset if we keep asking over and over again! the parable of the persistent widow comes to mind because she kept knocking at the wicked judge' door for justice. so many times the judge ignored here but later on he gave in because he was too exasperated with the woman..the story went on to say that our Father in Heaven cares soooo much more!

but why are we (OK...I) quick to seek the way that is easy rather wait for HIS set time?? Did he not promise that everything will be beautiful in HIS TIME??

Indeed everything will be perfect! And I really have very limited choices, don't I? Either I believe in the creator of heaven and earth who has not failed to show his faithfulness to me? or I will keep focusing on the circumstances around me?

Hmmm...Which one will it be? I think I can be much smarter than I actually give myself credit for!