30.9.04

an amazing love story!

once upon a time, there lived a man who was eagerly looking for a bride.

he got out of a relationship because of some heartbreaking reasons. he loved this girl, but he knew he can't live the rest of his life with her. he knew he had to forgive, but he also knew he had to isolate himself and stay away from her for a time, because he didn't want to change his mind.

even with a failed relationship, this young man's desire for a wife did not go away. he laid down his cries before his God, with whom he has an intimate, vibrant and growing relationship. everyday he cried before his maker until one day as fate would have it, heaven's doors opened and heard his prayers.

it turned out that as early as seven years ago God already heard this young man's prayers through a gorgeous girl from his church!!! Although they never talked then, still they recognize each other being from the same fellowship.

two years later he left the fellowship.

you would think it was the end of the story...thank God it did not end there!

four years ago, he was finally formally introduced to her by a mutual friend. tho he liked her, they did not exchanged phone numbers and he didn't do anything about it. plus he was in a relationship so he pretty much didn't think about her.

as the heavens would have it, the girl's younger sister is in this young man's new fellowship!!!! whenever they have special activities, the gorgeous lass would visit and they would exchange the usual hellos!...but still nothing!

the girl's older brother is also a good friend of the young man, but they hardly have time to talk anyhow...until one day, he just felt the urge to see the older brother.!

that day she was not suppose to be in town, but instead of the brother, he found her!! when he entered the house, he just felt all of heaven shouting in unison that she's the ONE!

she did not see him enter the house, and he was too dumbfounded to say anything, so he just stood there for four or five minutes until he finally called her. All the while she was unaware that someone was watching her. she got up surprised, walked up to him and gave him a very tight hug.

the world stopped revolving and all of heaven sounded their trumpets in celebration. chemistry just flew from two directions!!!!

after so much prayer, the young man proposed..and with equal fervor and fervency, the lass gladly accepted and a happy ever after is on the way!



28.9.04

i gave up...

...my monday to friday two-hour tutorials since sept 27.

it's sad, but i am left with no choice, really! The 11-year old girl, Kelly, called me up. She practically begged me to stay. In a way I am glad that their mom finally has time for them. Though on the other hand I am sad because I won't be seeing them. And I will miss seeing their youngest 3-year old brother William, with whom I have a huge crush on! lol!

i learned so many things from that 6-week experience.
when i grow up and have children of my own, I promise to:
> make time for them
>i will be a mother and friend to them
>i will get to know them
>i won't leave them to the care of the maids
>i will personally be there for them
>i will personally tutor them (or homeschool them..hmmm..)

NOW...where's that man that I will have the pleasure of co-laboring with? ~winkz~


27.9.04

my two cents

Whatta Sunday afternoon.!! Pretty interesting!!

Having lived a semi-boring existence for a while, a diversion from the usual routine is always a welcome change.

After a powerful meeting that Sunday afternoon, I went back on an eating binge with my girlfriends. Some guys tagged along but they had to move to a different place because they didn’t find the ambiance too inviting for their famished appetites.

My friend Joyce and I were supposed to go home but how we ended up in Bo’s Coffee with Cornell and Philip remains a mystery. (lol!)

The most interesting part of that Sunday afternoon conversation was the confession about the men’s perception of the women in church. (there were other things, but it is censored) It seems that they are under the impression that the women thinks the men are not good enough for them.

….which I found very disturbing, really!

Because the impression is sooo wrong! The men in church are fine. They are very passionate about their relationship with God and just as passionate about discipleship, among others.

It is a pity that they view the women that way. No wonder they hardly speak to us apart from topics such as church, ministry and cellgroup..Hehe!

Are the women really that scary? Or do they just need to be stronger?

Just my two cents.

26.9.04

an eventful weekend

well..not really in the true sense of the word but there was a part that really tickled me..

my saturday was very lazy! i woke up late and came to work only in the afternoon, in time for a meeting, only to be informed that only two are coming....Ohhh God...there goes the pre-pilot test.I hope to be able to recover today.

i was bored all afternoon i was able to write two blogs...lol! and then my cousin was trying to contact me because she needs to get something from the house, which is a whooping 45 min ride from the city. before that i agreed to a movie date with roslyn and rhea.

of course i had a major dilemna, which spells 90 min spent on the road if i had to go home and come back for that movie. to solve the problem, i decided to cook adobo for dinner and invite my friends to go home with me. and then we can always catch BOURNE SUPREMACY at a nearby theater, which we did, but at the ayala mall instead, which is a little farther than the original plan, but definitely soooo much better.

sunday morning was spent in church. it was a long ride because of the re-routing of the public transportation due to a construction. but i got to the service on time.

pastor bob perry, an american prayer warrior from Nashville, Tennessee came to visit the cebu church. what is interesting is that since he first came to the phillipines, he had always wanted to come to cebu...finally after 20 years, he came.

he preached about developing a heart after God and mentioned the characters of Mary, Martha and Lazarus...I was really tickled because I know that i just wrote abt my need to be a balance between Martha and Mary in a previous blog. And then at the leaders meeting in the afternoon, he taught abt praying for leaders and quoted Is 61:1-2

boy, was i thrilled!!!! it was a very exhilirating experience, because maybe, after all my inadequacies, God still speakes to me. truly he is not like us, who gets tired of people, and gives up on them. he is the God of heavens who is stubbornly crazy about me...!!!

i must confess i ate lunch twice that sunday...one right after the service, and then after the meeting...lol!

the rest of the afternoon can cover an entirely different topic.

25.9.04

sheezh!

sometimes I just need to write to get out of a bad mood….a bad day …or even a broken heart.

for instance, over a month ago, I was in the middle of a very heartbreaking situation…but I was too busy to notice or even cry over it. likewise the circumstances surrounding the event placed me in no position to grieve…first because I thought that it is a fact of life….people come and go and second because it was the right thing to do.

but after a while, the pain that you have so long hidden into oblivion catches up with you. in my case, I just had to cry…the few friends who knew saw me suffer in silence, yet nothing can be done. it was just a hopeless, helpless situation.

and then by some miracles from heaven, something comes up…a WORD… an EMAIL…. even a single SMS…I knew I had to get up…I knew I had to get back on track. and so I typed my feelings away, baring my soul…and without doubt revealing my heart. the ice melted…over and over again until the water just ran out and I am back in the dry land again.

no situation is too hopeless or helpless that healing cannot touch. sometimes you end up with nothing or no one in the end, yet your soul is back to life. for others that much awaited, long needed talk happens and things become clearer and the sun shines brighter.

either way u grow…become so much better that u were yesterday…and with that growth comes the most awaited joy of walking in freedom.

It just got me thinking...

a few days ago i received a word in Is 61 though my bible reading that day..i did post it in my previous blog.

anyway, when i first read the scripture, i was like, OK God, i am going through this heartbreaking situation right now, but you will turn this experience around. Out of this experience I can become a better minister to those who are grieving, those who are mourning, in despair and heartbroken.

i just realize that i usually treat God's word that way..almost like Martha, who's attitude is to serve, serve serve...Sometimes I read the word and ask how God can use me to be an instrument in making his word a living reality to others.

it just dawned on me that i may be suffering from a messianic complex after all...lol! or maybe i have reached a point of getting too familiar with my relationship with him. (I certainly hope not!)or i may just be too confident that indeed God's word is yes and amen to those who ask, yet what i do is simply receive his word without asking. No wonder i have been receiving this scripture in John, i think, that says I do not receive because I do not ask!

yeah i think it is the later...hmmm...lol

as for Isiah 61, i had a whole new perspective of it just this week...but i will walk you through it in an intirely different thread! ~winks~

the bottomline is, i have to be balanced, not just a Martha, but a Mary as well, who will sit in Jesus' feet. There is nothing wrong with waiting on Jesus, on being ministered by Him, on getting refreshed.

afterall, I can't give what i don't have.

24.9.04

guess who walked out....

of a tutorial session????

Hard to tell, but I DID!

I am usually a very patient person...and I always try to see the good in people but today, I just had to walk away.

Three kids aged 10, 11 and 12...yep...that's how old they are...ooooOhh...they talk at the same time too..I think I am now on my sixth week, and somehow I thought I've had it figured out. Of course they have to work on their assignments first, then I will just have to check on their work afterwards..But there's a problem if they didn't understand their lessons..I have to be able to explain it to them...And then there's the time that they clamored for my attention at the same time..Can't they see there's only one of me and three of them??

The worst thing is when I am trying to explain to them something and they pretend to be bored or sleepy because they find the explaination too long and they want a shortcut. It would have been good if the understood the explaination in the end...the sad thing is they don't.

Now I am contemplating on whether i should go back or not. After over a month of tutoring them, I still haven't negotiated my rate..Sometimes I would think that it would be understandable if their mom won't pay me. I feel like it is a waste of money to keep meeting with these kids because they are so NOT interested. I don't know if they even understand why they are in school in the first place.

When I grow up (lol) and become a wife and mother someday, I will see to it that I tutor my own children myself. It's a pity, because children won't be kids for a lng time...As for me, I would like to be available for them, be their friend, and teach them the ways that they should go, so when they are older, they won't depart from those teachings.

23.9.04

On True Love Finding its way home

My hottie friend Rhea and I, on our usual Wednesday night movie addiction moments went to watch THE NOTEBOOK..

What a very poIgNanT love story. Made me think of my own life, the quest (or is it the waiting) for a true love and how I would want to grow old yet still hopelessly in love with my husband as if it were yesterday!

There was a part in the story wherein the guy said of the birds being able to find their way home, no matter where or how far they went.

How amazing!

Indeed true love comes our way sometimes stealthily you hardly even notice. MOst often we let go, in search of other "much better" more precious stones, only to find out in the end that we have always had a diamond all along!

What a shame it would be to wake up one morning with that realization. My prayer is that I would not miss seeing beyond a rough stone when it's really a diamond inside.

But even if I do miss (or if he will...lol) I hope that our love will always find its way home!

icEpRincEsS, soberly

20.9.04

"COMES THE DAWN"

my dear friend Victor shared this with me during my last birthday.

i thought i'd share it with my fans (~winkz~) as well..

IcePrincess, thoughtfully

"COMES THE DAWN"


After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman or a man,
Not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much
So you plant your garden and decorate
Your soul instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And your learn and learn
With every goodbye you learn

19.9.04

it feels good....

to articulate your thoughts!

I really feel so much better after a very emotionally draining ordeal. Not that I am completely out of it but letting go and acceptance work their wonders.

This morning I woke up and read Isaiah 61:

The Year of the LORD 's Favor

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, [1] 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

The words practically came alive!!

God is good all the time, and all the time He is good!

iceprincess, gratefully

18.9.04

My heart skipped a beat....

because the one guy who makes my heart melt called..silly me!

No he didn't call because he wants me back...It was in reaction to his question of how i was doing. I gave a matter of fact reply that I am messed up but will be fine soon.

He said in mostly unintelligible terms that I should not allow the situation to affect me ( I guess I was too tongue tied to react or even hear what he was saying).

I think I may be going thru some delayed reactions to what now is an extinct (for lack of a better term) relationship. I really don't know but thoughts of him and us keeps haunting me. It's not like I keep revisiting it, I don't. Coz I know that if i want to get out of this emotional quagmire fast, I have to stop remembering and I tried...real badly...but still it keeps bothering me.

I wish I am like HIM, that I can just tell myself not to let it affect me. I know I took my every conversations with him seriously, and treasured them in my heart and believed just like a little girl promised of a happy ever after. What keeps ringing in my head is this song he sang, about us being able to make it if we try. Of course I knew that people change their minds, but I did not know how I managed to convince myself that he is not everyone, that everyone else will change their minds but NOT him. I guess it was also because I know that part of me will die without him. So that I knew letting go was never an option. That's something I have validated awhile back because unknown to him, I have tried several times to let go, only to find myself miserably failing at it.

Until now..I can't fail this time.. because it is what he wants, and maybe even what we need (tho my whole being is clearly revolting at such ideas). And even if it is NOT what I want or need, I have to convince myself everyday that it is the RIGHT thing to do or even if it isn't, there is nothing I can do about it.

Me, AFFECTED? Absolutely...I can't help it, especially if we're talking about having to let go of someone who means the world to me.

I know a lot of people think I am silly or stupid. Sometimes I think that way too, but over and above that, I am just a girl who fell recklessly in love head on, face flat I didn't even know what hit me. The good news for me is, I will rise up, and after this dark stormy emotional hysteria is over, the sun will surely shine on me again.

I miss him terribly and I can't possibly put in intelligible terms how much I love him. It is my hope and prayer that one day, when I think about him, I will be able to smile knowing that he's one guy I love, meant my whole world, had to let go yet no longer affects me.

God help me!

Iceprincess, truthfully

17.9.04

My WorlD, My WordS

Ladies and gentlemen, ballpen and fountainpen!!!!

Welcome to My cOrNeR of ThE WoRLD.

Call me IcePrincess, coz that's who I am.

I have nothing much to write for my opening salvo..(lol) my brain is not working right now. What with my recent celebration of a death anniversary..(hmmm...will write abt that sometime)

So for now, I will just leave things as they are.

iceprincess, matter of factly

Update: Dec 2012 - Kalandrakas is a Filipino Visayan term meaning mixed or assorted. Many years ago, I started this blog as a random journal of the season I was in. I haven't always been writing regularly but I noticed that I did record some significant times of my roller coaster emotions.

Years passed that covered one amazing husband, an intercontinent move and two toddlers later, I am inspired to blog again so I thought I would just resurrect this, make a few changes and get on with it. I

thought kalandrakas is an appropriate description of what this has turned into - truly kalandrakas!