I originally wrote this in October 2007 and I am just moving all my blogs in one place -
When God tells you to trust Him, at times it can be easier said than
done. Especially if you don't particularly like the way you have to wait
and abandon yourself to Him. In a way, this concludes my three-month
struggle over something very important to me. It doesn't mean however,
that I am over it. I still cry when I think about it, to be honest. But I
am trusting God for His grace every time.
Growing up in my
Christian faith, I resolved early the importance of the spiritual family
that God added me into. I learned that even in the choice of a local
church, it is very important to seek God and aspire for accuracy in
order not to miss His destiny for my life. I also realized that my
personal purpose and destiny should align with that of my local church,
otherwise, I will miss the best that God has in store for me. Over the
years I learned to honor God and advance His kingdom through
discipleship, leadership and church planting. Apart from leadership and
discipleship, I also learned to treasure and value evangelism, lordship
and family.
To say that church is an important part of my daily
life would be an understatement. Imagine the struggle and rollercoaster
emotions that I went through after getting uprooted from my local
church, only to discover that I will be going to a different spiritual
family, thanks to my husband and God's private discussion. To make
matters more difficult, it is written in stone and my slightest
opposition would be getting in the way of God's plan.
Truthfully I
found it unfair that God wouldn't tell me of this surprise turn of
events. I would at least have prepared myself and not have struggled
over the changes. I found it overwhelming considering all the changes
that I am currently going through. I didn't realize everything to happen
at the same time. When I go through certain issues in my life, I have
always had my church around me with all the support, acceptance, and
encouragement surrounding me. Instead, I am feeling all alone in a sea
of strangers that I can't help but feel lost and alone.
Everything
familiar to me is gone, including church. The sad thing is, there is
one a few suburbs away from where we live, that shared the same mission,
vision and values. They also "do" church exactly the same way where I
am from. It practically left me mortified and miserable for days. I felt
like I was missing out on what God wants me to do. I felt like I had to
start all over again in terms of my purpose, mission and vision. But
most importantly, I felt lost and groping for light in a dark tunnel.
Don't
get me wrong, this new church is great and their passion and worship
touches heaven. But they are not my spiritual family - I didn't grow up
with them and they do thing differently from what I am used to. I guess
my husband couldn't see what strong ties I have with my spiritual family
and how it is not easy for me, especially that there is one church like
that close by.
A few nights ago, I was listening to a preaching
on marriage relationship and God just spoke to me though the message.
Since He has placed me under the leadership of my husband, I need to
submit to him, as long as he is not leading me to sin, whether or not I
necessarily agree with his choice. Trust me is what I heard God speaking to me. I pray for abundant grace to obey Him and see things the way He does.
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